Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Here is a post
Kept waking. To turn is to wake
sometimes. To turn is to wake.
And my phone is always dying now.
I stick it in the car, but not. For long
enough. (But not for long enough).
Place quotation marks around what.
"What?" He was always asking questions
while the boots fell a[part]. Things
break. Their nature is to fracture
to disintegration. It's nature. To fracture.
To bombs away
explode.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
X-mess
Christmas mice Christmas mice
"It starts at 6:30"
email me or something
I can make myself not think of things
in the ways I tend to think of things.
Johnny Carson's entire life.
Eggnog and the sleeves don't fit. (Is that
a natural progression? Fuck fuck.)
I hate these home for the holidays things.
What to do what to do about ______
feeling ______.
These blanks do not denote a thing. My grades
are back and 2 A's, A plus, A minus, B plus.
(You were there when I was upset about that last)
(I just couldn't bullshit that class) I have a fucking
3.9 cumulative GPA which I assume means
I am intelligent(?)
Marry X-mess. Just do it.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I think to have
to be a different person.
I'm suffering from cognitive dissonance
constantly. As well as conflation of life
and of dreams. Our thermostat is set
on 46. Why am I cemented
to the most mundane brush-aways?
Oh God. I must make Christmas mice!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Ring Ring
Caller: ...Who is this?
Me: Rachael.
Click.
Um...(?)
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Finish liiiiiiiiine! Where aaaare youuuuuuu!
artistic project for shakespeare/chaucer/milton: write allisoun song
final portfolio -
write:
a.final course narrative
b.portfolio cover letter
include:
a. midterm course narrative
b. 3 peer reviews
include/write:
project one
a. copies of journal entries w/out names
b. first draft of booklet
c. final draft of booklet
d. final author's note
project two
a. first draft
b. all other drafts
c. final draft
d. final author's note
project three
a. first draft
b. all other drafts
c. final draft
d. email barbara re:gender neutral pronouns or do other research
e. message fb re gender neutral pronouns
f. final draft
g. final author's note
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Ugh
and even pre-legalized birth control (especially for the un-marrieds)
upsets me so much.
particularly this story of a 29 year old mother of eight
who dies in an emergency room
after a botched illegal abortion
fucking
upsetting. makes me want to rip my ovaries out.
or to have removed her ovaries for her so she didn't have to DIE BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT 9 KIDS IN 9 YEARS OR SOMETHING. I mean seriously. I don't know if I can make myself protest against abortion, as I've set myself up to have to do. I am having a hell of a time making this paper longer than 12 pages.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
comments stolen from "lindsay lohan's myspace blog"
*****
Lesbianism and Homosexual ity is Foul and Nasty, and Completely out of the WILL of God. Yes, most People know this and Still decide to Live their Lives like Christ is not real and his Promises will not come to past. It's a Certain way you Address it though or it will be Ill received. I am really praying for Lindsay Lohan, and all those Lost Souls in Hollywood. It's Sad. People are so lost and Everything that the Bible has said in Revelation s is Coming to Past, and Most of it already has. PEOPLE, We did not get here by some Random Higher Power. His name is JESUS and His Promises are REAL. Stop Playing With God. Heaven is Real. Hell is Real, and When God said (Thou Shalt Not Lye with another Woman if you are a Woman and Vice Versa. He really meant it. It's a Commandmen t, Not a Choice. I know that Some People are going to Have their Negative Stuff to Say, but That's your Soul. I'll be Praying for you. God Bless!
- blackhairgirl
*****
Nasty, skanky, confused, chemically addicted lesbians. Disgusting . Let me break something down for you there chic..... She is not a man. She just wants to be one. And she probably hates them all at the same time.
I'm going to design a line of clothing for women who hate men, who envy men, who like women... Where to start...
-blondguy
*****
you know you miss the cock. you KNOW you do. don't deny it. sorry, but Sam can't fulfill your "cock " needs...th ere's nothing like the real thing! lol. you're going to go back to men soon enough. it's a phase Linds, just a phase.
-blondgirl
*****
YAY! Now all I need is for Natalie Portman to say shes gay :) MMM
-cutebrunette
*****
wtf lesibian ass
get straight no one wants some fag celebrity on MTV
fuckin fag
-dumbass
*****
Ok, my girls and I have been a fan of your's since watching the re-make of parent trap. But upon learning that you are lesbian and you are flaunting it like crazy, I am no longer a fan nor will I allow my children to watch anything of your's. Why was this something that the world needed to know about you. Can't you celeb's keep your personal life, personal.. ..??? Maybe too many people must know but you celebs need to learn how to keep things personal.
-needs to learn how to use apostrophes
*****
Homosexual ity sucks!!
Sickening! !
You people are nasty!!
ewwwwwww
God is against it and so am I!!!
Why is it always the pretty people that want to be a homo?
ugh its sickening
- may actually be a lesbian (secretly)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I've sort of been wanting to learn how to swing dance for awhile.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Lincoln Espresso Live Blogging
me: (goes to check) cigarettes.
boss: make me a tall mocha. hot.
customer: what can I get for 73 cents?
me: nothing.
customer: grande latte.
me: (makes order) here you go! here's your change!
customer: thanks. (drives off)
customer: tall coffee please!
me: (makes order) here you go!
customer: thank you! (puts a quarter in the tip jar)
customer: tall mocha with caramel and whip.
me: (makes order) here you are, here's your change
customer: thanks. (drives off)
dear mr. grande mocha:
i greatly appreciate the 73 cent tip. it has raised my total to nearly a dollar this morning.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
this is a mockery of liveblog.
oh relatives. oh i am sort of drunken
and full so full. i didn't really like the celebration roast.
everything else was good. i am excited for tomorrow.
man now we have to do the whole socializing thing and maybe go on a walk together when i just wanna nap and/or stare at the great makeup job i did.
wah-wah :/
Thanksgiving liveblog.
I have had to clean parts of this house I no longer live in, which is and was always sort of frustrating; but I put on Jens Lekman and somehow dancing became mopping and/or clearing off surfaces. As it often does. As it often does.
We have, already, four pies and a large peach crisp. Pumpkin, pumpkin, apple-pecan, apple-pecan, organic whipped cream. And I finally got to try some of that fried ice cream (the flavor not the spectacle) and it was: decent.
I ate the hottest cheese ever last night (pepper jack on steroids), and while semi-inebriated and slicing towards my finger (unsurprisingly) cut myself. Picture later of waterlogged finger after band aid removal this morning.
It's pretty gross and/or cool looking.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING CELEBRATION ROAST.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
and unintelligent at that
i'm unsure of the proper vocabulary term
of the proper way to describe
this uninformed rage against othered groups
i just can't love you all when you're spouting that way
so i just log out and listen to wolf parade
still concern
but really
please
just cool your jets
do a little dance if it's still in you
maybe we should go back to living in tribes
there are problems in every solution
A person
grows hair
on some parts
of the body.
Without which
the sweat
would be too
much.
Like
soysauce.
Salty. Devil's
spit. No
really it burns
tongues. Hair
keeps the moisture
enough
from the skin.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I will make you a cake
and pay me
and it will be magnificent. I am serious
and I neeeeed your ordering around of me (from me)
just tell me
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Some man
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Omaha
or at least feel some sort of yayness
because this time there will be events to attend!
Saturday is free at the Joslyn and Bemis is free and open 12-5 as well (The Bemis Underground will be transformed into landscapes of the mind as Kansas City-based artists Susan White and Corrie Van Sice exhibition Navigating the Neurosphere)
There's a Kubrick fest at Film Streams and: Lolita / Barry Lyndon (Nov 28-Dec 4)
We could even see the Berenstein Bears Save Christmas!
The Holiday Lights Festival is up and ready for viewing!
Oh my God - complimentary horse and carriage rides at Village Pointe! Actually, that Friday is going to be Holiday madness in general at Village Pointe.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
`````````````````````````birds
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
mmmm yesss
all the people
particularly that one
man by the phone
booth the one
that's always there
whenever i walk
or bike by and
it's like a car
with the headphones
in but not
because they can get you
what the fuck am i
talking about
that man
by the telephone booth
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's only
right. In the chest
or
the gut. That
sensation of "Oh
yeah.
Right. She's got it
right."
Monday, November 10, 2008
"While I'm alive
Makeup makes me
something
pretty
and pretty much
the best cookies
every
you
should
try one
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The only time
is when I am on
the internet.
Ps. I can now be found out by everyone.
All my internet social networks are combining.
Everyone I know is on everything else and the same things.
Not even my dad is cut off.
Still, Eric can't read anything I post about him on facebook.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Palin exercising her right to privacy
embarrassed about voting Obama,
because even she knows it's the better choice.
Monday, November 3, 2008
query
french vanilla coffee mate
cherry schnapps
ice
milk curdle-y after adding cherry
why so?
Dear Sarah,
the drinking pattern.
Dear Everyone,
I'm nervous. I'm excited.
I link to this at a loss:
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/11/barack-obama-fo.html
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
so.
to my feminist theories class
and it was really
awkward. i felt like my face was suddenly
blushing uncontrollably and i was all hot
so i stopped talking.
advice: don't come out to people
when you don't fall into a specific category
of sexual orientation. don't do it
in class.
Monday, October 27, 2008
oh sharp things
don't stab
me with your
blunt
edge's
edge.
i do like you
yo yo ma
as a wolfe
enjoys a violinist
wolf? beautiful
olives
beautiful music.
I just can't
I need to graduate. I need to read
and write and
figure
out
my
liiiiiiiiiife(!) halloween
thisweek.
<3
Saturday, October 25, 2008
When you're married
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
You don't know what you love
Everything about you
is bruised and
honey. Everything
you point with
points
toes. Points
to us. We were standing
on the side of some
mountain, somewhere,
and you said, in all
seriousness a manner
like yours composes;
has it ever been eyes? Is
anyone really
out there?
And up.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Today
So then walked to Russ's with my laundry bag and purchased. Walked back and began scouring with baking-soda-white-vinegar and dipping things in bleach.
The plunger didn't seem to unclog the tub drain. Fuck.
The tub is my last obstacle.
God this apartment is creepy when you look at it closely. There was all this black slime in the sink and the toilet and rust in the sink catch. Latex gloves were my wisest purchase.
It's a moldy slimy rusty existence.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
It's not
I just think it's difficult to separate
oneself from societal and personal prejudices.
To see things through a clear lens. To see
things in general. The language is problematic;
for instance words like good or bad. It's like we make up
the categories and then force-fit everything in to these
(according to what categories exist, to what we deem normal/good/real).
God. Bricks. Tobacco. Liar. Journalism. Sushi.
Things
are. But ideas mix in
and words become more important
than what is real.
Man. I need to sell a Barbie Dream House (Copyright).
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Remember
not to type things
I kill flies here
and my boss
called I guess I'm supposed to call
all the other stores unless
they call me
say *open!*
oops. I didn't know. No one
ever told me that, specifically.
And I avoid doing things
he had called me to check
around 7 the past few weeks
this time 8:30 sounded angry
oops.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I will not be getting any drunker tonight
you were a really good kisser
I wish I would have walked with you
to the sunken gardens that night
I wish I would have stayed awhile
Now I just bite off finger bits
and think of all the people all the boys
and the games of spin the bottle
I only played once kissed
another girl's boyfriend
I think that's a sort of a fetish of mine
just something that's fun
to kiss
someone who belongs to someone not you
I belong to you and you belong as well
how do we take it where
is your car with you
following
My grandma was crying and I felt
My grandpa never hugs unless I go to him
What is this notion of babysitting and it's gendered existence
I love so much sometimes
when running
and when you're
I lifted up
What the fuck happened here.
What has power
bangs
mistake us for
fundamentalists
you think you know what it all means
in that you don't know you
accept that
acceptance. what are the stages of grief
or of mourning? a black dress
the lily smell
sandwiches
and so on and on
I did roast the chicken and it was
almost completely cooked (wrong side down)
not that ( ) has anything to do with the almost
not necessarily
I just want your holding of me to continue.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sometimes words
often there is a discounting of someone
a leaving out of facts. What is real
and true. How do we differentiate
between the good feel and
the real. As in the movie Elizabeth
the Cate Blanchett one
that I watched, liking, and thought
I could really emulate this
this is how I could act and be
a woman and strong and respected
not strident.
Then the movie wasn't like her life
the movie isn't her I listened
to Professor Levin and was so sad
because I'd trusted a depiction
as a way to formulate my life
but it's too weak too much
weakness
All you need to know
(besides the fact that John McCain is part reptile)
Monday, October 6, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
It's a learning experience
coming
Feel: somewhat guilty/bad
Project: done
Parents: maybe maybe not pleased with me
do these things matter
the debate last night was engaging
and a delight to watch because
joe biden kicked sarah palin's ass
but palin's fucking folksy talk/winking/blatant
reversals of truth
did grate
Thursday, October 2, 2008
From Planned Parenthood's Website:
"The risk of death from childbirth is 11 times greater than the risk of death from an abortion procedure during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy."
So, who's life are you for Sarah Palin? You would "counsel life" for a 15 year old pregnant through rape by her father...counsel for which life?
I'm consistently frustrated with how much influence a little speck of a fetus can have over people. And I know this is just hypothetical (the question asked); but if you're going to offend me I wish you would at least defend yourself with more than sputtering, meaningless rhetoric. You disgust me.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Happy October!
when you mix a little 'grape koolaid jammer'
with the remnants of blue raspberry mad dog and then
a few glasses of franzia
sounds good? It's quite fun squirting out
those koolaid jammers. And I feel a lot better today
in that
I feel good
and I think talking to people and pushing past initial
indignation (?) is a good plan.
I was hanging up clothes while talking to you last night and my bed was clear by the time we hung up.
I'm excited for the vice-presidential debate!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
No no no no no no no
take it can't take
it can't take it no
and I don't know what's going to happen
and what I simply think is going to happen
(because of the wine)
I need to get through something here
I'm in a desperation
need
It's not the cold air yet
It's not the plastic way of who
again. Maybe just the absence
of smoke
transportation...? Shit.
Are you heavy or healthy?
I can't work Saturday, okay? I can't deal with you being mad at me
until I did and it's taken care of.
On a side note, I can't see past your constant frowning and the lines lines lines lines.
I was looking at pictures last night and I saw this album called "cutter" where I'd taken pictures of that and it was weird because I never did much damage till that one time I was drunk and God I hate the Emergency Room. I hate the emergency room and how do we never realize how we can affect other people? It's a tight fit being in the world all together. It's a strange thing, all the changing and how I'm pulling away and still stuck and I want to go back there sometimes. I've got gum on my arms. I can't return. Need to self-direct or something.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
You are dangerous to your health: the ideology and politics of victim blaming
don't want
to feel something
and the door
slams
shut from
wind.
This is real this is
not some
comparative
purpose. This
door.
What could
his chest
hair do---annoyance
with every
thing
and the other
one riding his
bike, turning
round
in the cross section
street. Hello
with face. Hello
to the pavement
you're paving.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Blogging to get rid of past blogs
something else
in your mouth to make
the taste
of something else
dissipate/pear.
Cafe au lait
cafe au lait
cafe au lait.
Where is
my syllabus
when I am needing
her
the most?
That show the pit of dancing crushing sweating
was a really good time. UuVvWwZ. Mad
fucked-up and texting fuck
too much
always in that
state of fumbled
fingers
Shit I have a lot to do. Write these papers for me.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
From oral to aural
like you do
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Oh Jesus
I am drinking. Drunk. Sarah I saw you.
At Bourdain. God Bless America
I haaaaaaaaaaave toooooo peeeeeeeeeeee (this is an excerpt from Colbert report)
MOTHERFUCKING PERIOD I DON'T WANT TO WORK TOMORROW OR MEET ANYONE.
I love you
or what anything is, really. Except for how onions taste when you've brushed.
How your mouth tasted right after that bread and the gnocchi. The sorts of alcohol
I like. You you you and your face hairs.
Other you and your stories.
Other other you and the berry beers.
All of this group in my head right now.
There's so much more panhandling downtown lately.
Everything I try to make beautiful. Or speak of only the broadest conclusions and smallest overlookings.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday August 17th 2004
Monday, September 15, 2008
Kyle
A platitude is a trite, meaningless, biased or prosaic statement that is presented as if it were significant and original. The word derives from plat, the French word for "flat". Whether any given statement is considered to have meaning or not is highly subjective, so platitude is often — but not always — used as a pejorative term to describe seemingly profound statements that a certain person views as unoriginal or shallow.
The statements most commonly described as "platitudes" are short proverbs and aphorisms which are intended to motivate or encourage another person, but which are in reality overly-simplistic or cliché; for example, "You will succeed if you try hard enough", a statement which ignores the simple fact that it is entirely possible to fail in spite of one's best efforts. Some people dismiss such statements entirely, arguing that since the statement does not properly represent reality, any motivation or other emotion felt as a result of it must also be illusory; others argue that the omitted facts of reality are ones that are not useful to consider—knowing that you may fail for reasons beyond your control does not make it less likely—so such statements may be valuable as a rhetorical tool, even if not technically correct.
Another common platitude is the conversational lubricant "How are you?", usually a rhetorical question, and its attendant responses, such as "I'm fine; how are you?" This exchange, occurring most often between strangers or in professional settings, is so ubiquitous in English-speaking social discourse that it has almost completely discarded its literal meaning or intention.Republicans want teens to get pregnant - especially by men using Viagra.
In 2005, McCain opposed a Senate Democratic proposal that would have spent tens of millions of dollars to pay for pregnancy prevention programs other than abstinence-only education, including education on emergency contraception such as the morning-after pill. The bill also would have required insurance companies that cover Viagra to also pay for prescription contraception."
Oh high school diary
Talked to A (lawn boy) 2day @our house :) DQ guy talked to me and L. Saw G's older bro shirtless and talked to him and N. Went to 311 concert. Know what pot smells like. Got highlights. Like my hair curly. Better buds with L and G esp. Getting over K.
And...theres' a new main man in my life:)
K, here's the story: Pretty sure M had a friend harassing me online (worldman117) So @ L's one nite I had her try to talk to the kid. He got rude/'warned' her so she sicked some Mt. M. boys on him.
They got him to leave me the fuck alone, so I got their SN's and we all started talking. I really had a connection w/T and we decided to meet up @ 311. Turns out I gave him the wrong cell #! So I went to Genny's that nite and IM'd him and we sorted the mess out and decided to meet @ Borders.
Had a wonderful time/great connection so I brought him home to meet Mom and she luvs him <3 :) So we've chatted since then.
Sun nite, good. Mon nite, weird and depressing. Today, good again. Set up to watch a movie @ my house, but he got in an accident!!! Dammit. Glad he's okay. IDK how to feel exactly about him - Sat nite I was thinking he was awesome, now he seems a hell of a lot more human. We'll see what happens. Hey - as long as I learn something and remain intact.
<3 Rachael
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I looooooooooooooove NY!
your head to your toes---
*crazy head shake motherfuck
fiasco*
this is really a visual experience.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Retreat retreat!
Hey, but it's okay, because Mad Men is on tonight.
Am I really back to counting my blessings?
Preconceived-notions-speech. These "high fructose corn
syrup is okay" ads concern and disgust me. It's like
those ads with the doctors smoking cigarettes. See?
They're okay. It's okay. We're all gonna be o-kay.
Except what if we're not?
Friday, September 5, 2008
Just wanted a bagel
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I think I am going to freak out.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Ah republicans.
or of anyone? when you feel this intensely as a failing of the capacity
to be something to someone else? i fail like this on occasion.
there's only so much of me.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I think
I can't think about it. I just need to do things. I am not yet a failure. Sushi. Relax.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
i wish i could just
what they are -
i am sad and lonely
even or especially in the presence of others.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
motherfucking shit
salt water
sea weed
let's go to the ocean and soak in the toxins together.
am sort of existing
i thought she was talking to her brother and there was so much crying
"you tore up the apartment and stopped taking your meds"
"i don't know why it happened. i didn't mean to" they start kissing
and so i don't think they're siblings.
there was this romance novel i was reading and this woman had inherited a home and things from her deceased cousin or aunt or some relative who shared her surname. then the son of this person came into town (had been banished off with his father, what a love child). his plan? to offer marriage to the woman and/or simply take the house by force. and then they fall in love. and i was just thinking...aren't they related? ummmm
Friday, August 29, 2008
Aw shit
of course, she's an example of how all women do not serve my needs as a woman by virtue of being a woman. and why ideology is more important than gender/race/arbitrary means of classification.
still, if we were playing chess, good move.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Three is a strange dynamic
not even with you
maybe neighbor
such suddenness, such dotting
time kept
the phone the wind in
the phone the cars
passing
i am not to be held accountable i am not ))
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
What I forget
in that I don't give up on everything but only
the portions and then do something about it even
it's better than a line of blood on skin
can you believe? can you conquer? sometimes
i wonder about these mechanisms and then
simple physical activity makes my thoughts align
does something
gets rid of that silent screaming
that pin prick that
maybe you know
to what i refer
buying the books made me better.
as well
i want i want i want
and i love you love you/hope you get that
you beautiful something
you person. the protest is unimportant
isn't life a constant cycle of absence and abundance? a cycle of something-s
for sure. shurefine. good name. good fake names good words.
i have some ways i operate.
Giving up
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
This is pretty accurate
What's your orgasm record in a day?
(24 hour period we'll define it as)
Anyone?
Japes. I like that.
Friday, August 15, 2008
chair delivery
the clouds the clOUDSSs listening
to WHY
my hairs are leggy. right? right.
where has my camera gone off to?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I can't write a thing without crying anymore
to make up for feeling things and not the right things. THE RIGHT ONE IS RIGHT FOR YOU. I can't get rid of machine parts. These are the things that belong somewhere (and the emphasis is such on belong) they belooong. Unlike a hair, shed. A bitten off nail. Some toothpick. Machine parts are not trash they are someone's lost implement that will be reattached. I will be reattached in my next planned out something. I will attach and reattach myself and eventually learn asexual reproduction. Become anemone or starfish. If only you could always stroke me I'd grow.
So
Oh banality. I fucking want a fucking shower.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Ridiculous.
I want to see you all of you all of you
all of you!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Did anyone ever go
with the nest? And giant stuffed snakes and things?
It's not there anymore, in the same way/place--with the same things.
I want to be there right now
in that nest, pretending to hatch
pillow eggs.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I spend a lot
off. It's a vicious boredom-bred desperation. But boredom
isn't it. It's the not wanting. And not being able to. The frustrating
nature of all of this tediousness and the annoying whine this place is to me. I don't know
what I would want to do but not this. Going running with Cassie
tonight, if all goes as planned. Needing to unpack my room. Needing
to remember to shut the door to my bedroom.
This morning when I got home the chain was hooked so I could unlock
but not enter the apartment. Annoying. I considered trying to slam it off
but instead just called Katie and then ate an egg to calm myself. Those chains
they really do fuck up getting into a place.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Motherfuckers.
that I'm embarrassed of. Why not "rated R for rapacious!" you may ask. Or "rated C for cunt!" Or "rated B for this is written on my BOOBS!" Or "rated D for Dike!" "rated F for fuckmyface!" God I've gone onto a whole 'nother rating system while trying to sort this item that really doesn't need sorting. But any thoughts on slogan shirts? Tell your boyfriend thanks? You looked better on Myspace?
Is it an obsession with generically collective witticisms? Is that the fixation? Your Mom. Don't ever text that to someone unless you are prepared for said mom to be DEAD> better, don't text at all, especially when drunk or sleeping or sitting next to bankenbrand.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Some Thoughts
Anthony emailed me back (!) Some man thinks I am a publishing house (?)
Let's dance. UUVVWWZ TONIGHT./all day. I work all weekend I pack all weekend...
WANTED:
men to help me move on Monday.
I will give you food and/or alcohol in exchange for your manual labor.
I need people in the evening especially. Sign up here:
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My knee
numb and swollen
sometimes.
so i'm going to the health center tomorrow.
again.
ps. the laurus baby arrived today - named mac.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I know
Monday, July 21, 2008
shit shit shit
go to work anymore I can't go to work
anymore I just don't want to.
smiley face and google-y eyes on plants and campari
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Dear bicycle, dear fox in the road:
to bachelorette it, I
think. The less I get topless the better.
The ranger came and put Jess in cuffs,
but only at our request. Earlier, we picked
two guys at Dave and Busters and had them
compete for who would make the prettiest baby
with Jess (in the photo booth). We shot each other
with water guns. We took free shots and ate free mounds
of cotton candy.
I'm sorry I'm obsessed with all
your parts. I'm sorry I'm not more creative lately.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I brood or I have a brood
it's not my words you want, but taste
them - you'll see. It's an absolutely
gorgeous morning. And I am glad to be
alive with a bike and carrying cupcakes.
Had a near miss with a squirrel - I swear
I think it shrieked as my tire whizzed by
its head.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Blood
in dreams and on knees and from elbows.
You have a triangle on your abdomen
hanging from your pants.
Triangles jab or rip when we want them:
when they want us to split seems
to trick her to hurt
her. I've split seams and read
what I shouldn't have known
was occurring. Now hurt in the jaw
or the gut. Burst bubble
in the throat - gouged
butterflies and road dust on the road.
don't draw a life lesson from this
and risk
Sunday, July 13, 2008
things may be getting out of control
there are moments
but there's so much work to do with not that much time to be smart or the perfectly clever red wine drinker i'd want to be. i don't even know who i'd want to be or what i'm being now.
this, here, another period of fuckinggoddamn transition. why wasn't i born a robot? why can't women just be seen and not heard? or children or maybe that's the problem all the or's and all my labeling/my lack of kayacking. it's true. and i'll start to spell things different ways before you stop me.
pow pow pow pow pow
my magic pony
my kum quat
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
last night
at least as far as staying out at activities in omaha
and then driving back to lincoln without tail lights goes.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
ssstop.
bananas
Eriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccc
stop leaving and not talking to me.
it makes me sad.
i don't understand how to behave at parties i don't
understand
how to behave how to
where are you and what of my emails? (email). ridiculous. pointless.
everyone smoking and me not but me out there with everyone smoking.
i can taste it on your tongue.
paula dean (????) <
fuck baby.
fucking stop making me feel
as if to cry as if to not
attempt. i miss it -
all the hangings out.
i miss the things i used to think mattered, or the thinking that mattered.
if i can grow my nails long, how much longer till i poem it?
and again.
fuck baby...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
blahg
Everything you think is creative, in actuality indicates a mental defect. A way to think of things that spreads. Your hands are clenching and pounding fists with the other ones. The kids want you to sign theirs, and breasts go out of fashion. There is an entire chicken in my freezer. Romance novels and masturbation? Jakarta and bombs. Romance novels with bombs? Military romance. I'm so tired of feeling you without feeling you without remembering. Dear God I don't believe in, I might believe in something more like ghosts but what does that matter? My grandmother's wishing me to hell without realizing, none of this exists. There's what you feel and what is real. There are trees that break when you climb them or wind them. There are winds that break trees and everything is real. There's you at my back with your arms and that sensation of being bug or turtle or love.
$8 wine that resembled and dripped like a bouquet. Becky's blog on a large computer and pancakes and dropped on the floor. Not talking if at all possible. Love and love and love and lobe. Ears ringing and naked.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I think pizza
My two favorite pizza destinations in Omaha are La Casa and Don Carmelos. While differing crustally, both share a quality of ingredients that make my tummy happy.
I am a dork. Farewell and eat pizzas. Yes, multiple.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
*cough*
I can't separate. - anyway I had taken my shirt off, but found it and my purse had not been stolen and this child was shopping for cheese with his mother and staring at me. I put my shirt on, smiled drunkenly, walked home in my heels.
hush hush
I really love you
I don't even know
how to say that correctly
(I hope you can make sense of me).
I over complicate because I'm unsure
of what I'm saying (of what you get
from what I'm saying).
All nervousness aside: YOU
delight me in multiple ways.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
blog humbug.
money honey
i want want
want
want want
want
want
wax wane moon crescent
scrumtrul
-escent. fluorescent won
me the pennant
or the spelling bee the
spewing fly the when
will you accept this embroidery
i've threaded to spell
out my compliments?
oh grandma,
why did you teach me
uselessness? i broke that spaghetti
in cold water pans with some spice
and never felt like a great
pretender.
Every day
sort of long
-ish.
Let's see
if they last through
the day. I have
strange desires,
consequent
-ly dreams
disturb my sleep
and wake.
Every
time I turn,
see you, some
sensation
of new
that you've burrowed
in me. I'm
hedgehog-floating
on my back and it's
burning it burns
and I bleed.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I just pulled a bug from my neck
Hello
nice to make your
assertion. Mix yeast
with the sweet
parts. Machinate
the dough until
itself - folding
and falling.
Series-osity
falling and wheels
spun in mud flipping
upwards, convince.
separation of parts
from objects.
makes a mass to fall. To
somewhere but here-now,
that fall corrects
-object separation.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I drink it up
breathe back come
back or keep.
I can't I can't I can't
I could but I can't
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It's not about
would you vote for McCain
because your woman didn't win
the nomination? I don't get it. I'm not looking
close enough. I don't get it. I just don't understand
often
how people can say the things they say
and I get caught up in it
and I fucking miss you
and I'm trying not to think trying trying to be interesting/interested/friendly and helpful to customers/worthy of tips/on time/befriended/be friends. Your voice breaks. Stop jeering. Stop booing. Everyone stop talking. I'm ranting this
isn't making sense altogether I can't
I can't manage these long days this thinking
not thinking hard enough well enough
I am not happy without you.
identification of mislabeled emotion, or disabling condition
scare me off, you scare
me. you are scaring
me, you scare me, you are
scary things and scaring
me, you scare me there; i scare
myself or scar or can't
complete the action of
the thought.
she's on the news now
her hair screams but
more strings and
i pluck it out i pluck it
like a banjo string
you sweep your hair
off to the side, he does,
but her voice is so serious
so obviously trying to be both
the office and the officiator.
Monday, June 16, 2008
watched
"yeah, i know"
"make me a mocha"
which is ridiculous because you don't like chocolate either, right?
my hand itches.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
D:
plus i've shorn my hair and it's a weird reality being without the both of you.
Friday, June 13, 2008
god damnit.
they hang oddly with the liner longer than the pant part.
And my Eric is gyros away. This -
this is ridiculousnosity. I am missing him when I think too much about it.
But I'm heading to OOMaha, and I watched Dead Man
with Justin and Carlin last night - Criiiiispin!! -
Sincerely,
RacheliseWulfgang
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I like biting
but i don't like that i do it.
it's addiction. like sucking
a thumb. or drugs or sex
or salt.
it is what it is what it is what it is what it
is it?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I am tired
just is and is then on a page/in the air
not sure
speech was and could be considered superior to writing. because you say what you mean
at the time
unless you're afraid like you are
or something unless you don't know
it's the thinking that ruins you
i cried when you left a little
it was early
and i've loved you more than 300 days.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I may be high
Rae Armantrout * her book
the physics of it all*
I love her Rae Armantrout
I love her Rae Armantrout
I'm sort of bored, been thrown off to the office with Steve/without everyone else. What is that called? Banishment?
Eric, I'm sorry. I don't have the money to buy replacement razor blades right now;
although I do have two disposables left.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Listening
I either avoid doing anything to incur these, or completely disregard the possibility *mistaking a disregard for an actual lack of concern* No
still
there still
happens. I'll really be okay though. It's just difficult ever since I fucked up so badly
metal has appeal in theory only
upon serious contemplation - sour
For instance right now - I'm liking the idea of biking
but not of the destination. People. My brain's not working
I am not my mother
or I am my mother's daughter
which I've never been sure about (the meaning)
Oh John McCain, raise the roof with your arthritic arms.
I dislike you for non-cosmetic reasons or sometimes I question to value of disliking anyone/thing because I sort of get it all - or get that it all could be me and you...and then the thought: does this fact mean what I think it means or just that one may/should/could/will give up on people they think are on their side if one shifts, if one shifts?:? I do not give up not really. Do you? What do you do to keep yourself contained and still touch me?
Rust on the counter. Corroded bike cables
replaced. Oh my god why can't you
lick my lips for me?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
arrived at job interview
It's you
I don't know if you know what this
is to me what this means. I mean
to ride my bike tomorrow. Please
don't be confused. I mean what
I mean which is: it's you. And.
I will ride my bike tomorrow. And
I love.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
work = blah
Friday, May 23, 2008
forgot
my bike is fixed and ready to be rusted again. free
lube jobs (don't tell everyone). be selective. mmmm
oh mm. little bit of boredom never hurt anyone where
is the coffee. gertrude stein gertrude stein gertrude stein
rhubarb is susan. puket fish. garam masala purchased
with beer after pants after walking in rain without
an umbrella to umbrella. sadness. need coffee. want.
mmmmmiss or something some absence some over presence
of lackluster of interaction
lackluster of
little to none and of wine.
but mainly missing
the center
(to be centered is to feel
like an actual person why
does that always get taken
from me why
do i give it up where is it)
and what do i want to be when i grow up
i forgot to give the parking pass to cari in my hurry to get out of the office.
i forgot to take that food. again. damnit, maybe i can get in the office when i go back to lincoln TODAYYY.
shit, son. i don't know what to tell you, i think you left the maps behind. i dreamed of a bicycling belly dancer last night and people with saws sawed in half in the mall. a woman walking into my bathroom stall and then getting angry. dreams are strange. you were being strange in my dreams last night. i have to separate myself from that, from the melancholy colors, from their loud mad voices at 4 in the morning.
i want to purchase high-waisted pants because i think they will match a tanktop i've never worn
yet.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Oh that shrinking sinking sliding under bookshelves frame of mind.
here it is. I work in cycles. The shower meant me being more socially awkward than I have been in quite some time. Not collected enough? Too much drink, not good sleep? Getting hit on the back repeatedly the night before and then reminiscing about taped tongues? Taped mouths. Oh, the glory of it all. It's not glorious. I felt small
in the scheme of things in the sense of non importance, of breathing being a privilege I didn't deserve. I felt flat, sort of 2D, corrugated like cardboard and ripped open to expose the lines. Today things think
beautiful powerful wet. I'm in pieces, piecing, sort of still
the earrings through the lips each side
then programmed for "ear." I love you. I feel like I have something to reach for
inside myself. Like I'm not just sitting on that couch hoping
to sink. Oh love of words. Oh the beautiful nature of loan consolidation.
How much debt do you draw? How many times will I be able to say this?
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I don't know about faces
now I'm tired but I can't sleep and I don't like the Sarah McLachlan
that makes me think of. Good God. God God. I miss you I just do
and I'll see you soon enough I guess
*smile*
it rains and it winds and I think about your facial hair
Saturday, May 10, 2008
I understand and I wish to continue
or some such
madding. (FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD
in high school. "the slang for a part is a whole"
Thomas Hardy is hardy is ready to party) Bowl.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
how hangover
where the sense of
incessant embrace
a brasserie
ubiquity's the new in-joke
i don't think
i understand
your tree language
in the dream
a poem related
to by anyone
-the pronouns open
fantastical imaginatory
play place
i want to eat your brains, i don't want to eat anything
taste anyone
right now
oh god
last night i wanted
closeness closeness
just that sense of love
and let's be friends
now i want sleep i want to slip
somewhere separate
which will come to pass as well
Friday, May 2, 2008
I think we should go sailing
get wasted and it's fucking 4 in the morning.
Really it was just that sense of accomplishment
following any paper of greater length than average.
It's really nothing to be proud of. Not as good
as the post-feminist critique of rae armantrout poems.
Bitchiiiiiiiin'''
Galleries tomorrow (Today!)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I'm at school
some in it and it's always this staring at
when kids come to the union. No goats. Just
kids and their parents and always until recently
I didn't know how to read things. My mind always
deconstructing what I now know has always
already been in a state of deconstruction. And our society
is a collective consciousness denial. We want
the black and red divisions of clean and dangerous
but it's not that simple - it's simpler. Until we
complicate. Things are. Then we make words
to represent. It is this that lies come from.
It is because no one can ever really know exactly
what another one is sensing without sensing
through their separate body. It is kids. And goats.
And music making our ears drip lace.
clothes from the goodwill
will you ever understand me? /All together now:
your love is like a cyclone in a swamp
and the weather's getting warmer
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
don't go over or under as long as you're here.
cans of pineapple and avoid the bridges.
Curried Ginger Butternut Squash Soup
1 tbsp oil
1 garlic clove, minced
2 inches fresh ginger, grated
1/2 tsp. garam masala (or mix of 1/2 tsp each cumin and black pepper, and 1/8 tsp each cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, and clove)
1/4 tsp. curry powder
1 medium potato, chopped
2 cups butternut squash, peeled and cubed (or one baked butternut squash, flesh scooped out)
2 cups vegetable stock
salt to taste
In a medium soup pot on medium heat, saute the onions in oil till translucent. Add the garlic, ginger, garam masala, and curry powder; saute for 2 minutes, stirring often to avoid sticking. Add the potatoes, squash, and stock. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat. Simmer for 15-25 minutes or until vegetables are tender. With a hand blender or food processor, blend half or all of the soup until smooth (be careful when blending hot liquids and slowly increase blending speed). Return to pot, reheat, and serve.
Monday, April 28, 2008
love-ly
makes me think of my grandma bragging about her daily b.m.
No, really.
Friday, April 25, 2008
that thought of
instead of emailing.
broadcast my thoughts to everyone
who does or doesn't will or won't
read this. the breeze picks up and i
am not reading that book i
proofread (past tense) laurus again and found
more issues. i find read and all its forms
to be troublesome. rattling keys outside
and an accidental caps lock caught here
and taken. i'm separated by a screen and really
what would the difference be. i can't fight this.
wouldn't like to. i just keep typing and thinking
or something - keep processing all of these
signals signs and indicators. you make me
feel things or i make myself. i let myself
allow you. all these permissions granted
and how i love it how it makes me tense up
ready to flinch ready to back away and pretend
again again. it's hard to be real and to speak
your heart. what's in a heart. and i don't know why
she suggests an obliteration of "this" in a poem.
i love this. i love impreciseness and ambiguity
and the removal of this ... i disagree and i never feel
right (rights).
i feel alive between bouts of head ache and uncertainty.
when the wind gusts.
i want this very much to work.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
It's you you you
and it threatens me but i'm better because of.
i keep looking at her profile her husband her baby
her face and
i really don't remember what my life.
has been would be.
period or exclamation mark or how
to punctuate how to turn pixels from pixels
to thoughts
my left side is the cut upon
my right eye lost an eyelash
once or twice
every day for 21 years
that's how old i am
this just goes to show
that meeting for pizza
can make your stomach
fizz or creak. i have furniture
in there but no child ( i haven't
eaten humans yet) what's the difference
between puppy baby cow meat?
i don't know. club seals or club sandwiches.
he wrapped an american flag round his head
quit showering and grabbed a computer
i'd grapple with you if i cared more if i cared
in the right sort of way. i'm too centered
in me. i think we all are, but maybe just
because that's who i am and my being of me
leads my belief. i incur debt
never, death
daily.
you are a lawn ornament or you could be
if you'd answer your phone if you'd stop
lying through omission (this goes out also
to me) because
i think you get it. i really think you get it.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I love you so much I can't say it, can't speak...
The ministry that I run...Christ really helped me. Oh did he. I'm glad you got over being a child star. These things that we go through. These places we are. I don't think you'd notice if the dress didn't fit if I sunk in the floor of the hall. Consuming adequate amounts of fiber should be the shared concern we sink in.
Really. I think that I've lived a lot of my life inside. Without friends or which of these have been my friends? I love you so much I can't speak.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
you glean what you will from anything and go with it
thinking nothing meant anything anyway.
what it means now,
we all are fools. why say what you do not mean
intentionally? why sever this connection all the more
between you (visceral) and you (an intellect). i am one
person. all i can do is act and then recount
it. all i do now is wait. and cry. wait to cry and in which way.
i don't think this was all my doing in that i didn't choose
to be born but i can take responsibility for my actions
and wait to see where your brain has taken you.
i'm sad. i think. i miss you. it's difficult for me
to concentrate on other things, but important to try
because i do not know where your brain is taking you - where you
are taking you. i've already been given much more
than i hoped for. from this point anything positive
is extra.
Monday, April 14, 2008
have finished with crying
Food crisis
old
U.S.
of A.
You must take shots with the good
hardworking american people with guns then
take shots at him for being elitist. The good
people will not be so good when there's social unrest
because of a lack of food. Turmoil in Egypt. Bread
for three meals and the government
distributing such. Global prices of food increase and I can't think
of what to do with myself. We need population control
or less money-run policy. Does this make sense? Does it make you
sensate? I just know
that I rarely appreciate having been born where
when
who I was
-am. Shave costs. Shrink portions. Maybe Americans will
finally revert to depression era waistlines...just do it. There's a man mowing
outside. I need to get another job.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Fast
can *choke*
dark explodes dark as you
changed
provokes sweat provokes more
heart
beats per minute biting
off pieces
of fingers a lot to avoid
drilling holes in
the minutes don't count once
you count
them.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
drinking is bad for you
i think i have a pattern of not recognizing the consequences of my actions or not realizing that my actions can have consequences. i need to address this.
Monday, April 7, 2008
what cannot be mistaken
cornering me in the covers the clear sky night stars telescope
never use these wonderful things these friends we cannot
number
mistake means wanting what hasn't been there means asking
means take
oatmeal gets cold while dissecting a life my only
time tries to improve but cannot linger so we wait
we want mistakes forgiven as umbrellas umbrella
themselves over tops of the heads of the people
walking in rain
sitting in sun
Saturday, April 5, 2008
you make me
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I want my check plus plus to mean
We mock the serious nature of anti-drug commercials together we get dressed up.
C, why don't you moderate? This won't make sense to you - I don't want it to. I don't want to be the one in class not knowing not learning not being an active participant. And yet I drink or do things other than read/become intelligent. I do things anti-mywant. I do things anti-good; but still think I'm okay because of the A's and because of the banging. Oh, what a word.
Why this constant game of innuendos. Why won't a word be a word.
I want I want I want I want so much but do not do
I do not do
Neither do you
It made me mad, what you said, what the both of you said - making a trio of ignorant angering stupid stupid creatures acting as if they deserve. I do not deserve. We get what we get and that's that (it's not ours for forever - just barely for now).
J and L together
hilarity
clothespins...
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Can you not?
for bleeding. It seems so
19th century
or biblical even. Shouldn't we, as a civilization,
be past this? I think so. Someone
develop a drug
so I don't have to tell myself
"the fetus would be alcohol-damaged
anyway" (if allowed to grow,
if it ever existed). I think
that if some egg did manage
release from the ovary,
clung to the wall,
and was fertilized - I think
I would,
at first, feel satisfactorily
full, then
freak the fuck out. Be
angry at him. For not having
to deal with it
physically. And this is why
I want to pay for his drinks
and his dinner, bake muffins
and such.
No worrying this time.
I've escaped yet again, my uterus
lining falling - more accurate:
oozing. Gross. Because something or society says so.
I've always really felt real
clean after the pink blood
turns to red and then the pain
in my legs
in the opening
everywhere. Like a soreness after
exercise, an accomplishment
of existence of continued cycling
and this is why I don't see time
as linear
this is why i remember spring memories
in spring
and other seasons other times. This makes
my memories out of line for others
and leads me to tag by scent by light
instead of logic. Maybe this is why I remember
everything you've ever said/why you cannot
relinquish.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
oh you are my life
Sunday, March 30, 2008
television poetry it's killing me
don't cause the crying is an end
in itself and the beautiful baby put
your arm around her she'll crouch
down you drink your water
from a glass shaped like a wine
glass
too repetitive (?)what liquor
store can you go to can you buy
on a sunday no thankyou
no tuna we're italian money
gangsters literally
she's texting me and they watch
some game talking bloodshed
no war now war warning
bloodshed for this man
with a tv tray knows dead men
eats potatoes ExtenZe.
italian the language and men
handing women objects and yelling
at other men the slicked back hair
the mustaches but it's so much more
than that revenge michael anything what
can i do
settle these troubles
i don't understand
but you do you do you do you
probably do and it's just
you don't want to
these people (us, we) they never
want to, unless
let's hit 'em all
the name frankie
various childhood memories
ominous happiness, family heirloom
of a home like my lampshade (no
not that connection) and that phrase
we know (i know) i think you know. keep
your friends close and your enemies
closer. i want him completely relaxed
and confident in our friendship. then
i'll be able to find out
who the traitor in our family
[was]
Friday, March 28, 2008
how does this know? that i am me
the phone the phone
must have been on silent
or something as the mute tv
emits small sounds the silent
phone emits click pops but not
this time i think it was
the settling of furniture or the small
separation of matter some minuscule
level invisible audible
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I love
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
song me a tune, something useful
The reason I think he is so unattractive
is his eyes, I think. They’re sort of
droopy. The face a house makes
classically consists of eyes
and mouth all square sort of
jack-o-lantern-like. His tooth
I think you mean. He’s sort of
ugly because of
his teeth. The second thing
I noticed besides the chin strap
besides being real -
that chunk of mud looking
like some god awful pre-historic
monster. An armadillo
or a large hyena, but humpbacked
for sure.