Listening

to music is something I haven't done for awhile. Finally today I had a little time that felt good. In that I wasn't busy in that I got home sweaty and tired in that I felt like I had figured out a bit of my life (of my finances). Now it's slipping. I slip a lot and I trip and I don't like to move around you. I've realized a lot of what I do is highly shaped by fear (of harm/hurt/embarrassment: imperfection)
I either avoid doing anything to incur these, or completely disregard the possibility *mistaking a disregard for an actual lack of concern* No
still
there still
happens. I'll really be okay though. It's just difficult ever since I fucked up so badly

metal has appeal in theory only
upon serious contemplation - sour

For instance right now - I'm liking the idea of biking
but not of the destination. People. My brain's not working
I am not my mother
or I am my mother's daughter
which I've never been sure about (the meaning)

Oh John McCain, raise the roof with your arthritic arms.
I dislike you for non-cosmetic reasons or sometimes I question to value of disliking anyone/thing because I sort of get it all - or get that it all could be me and you...and then the thought: does this fact mean what I think it means or just that one may/should/could/will give up on people they think are on their side if one shifts, if one shifts?:? I do not give up not really. Do you? What do you do to keep yourself contained and still touch me?

Rust on the counter. Corroded bike cables
replaced. Oh my god why can't you
lick my lips for me?