that thought of

i should have written a blog
instead of emailing.

broadcast my thoughts to everyone
who does or doesn't will or won't

read this. the breeze picks up and i
am not reading that book i

proofread (past tense) laurus again and found
more issues. i find read and all its forms

to be troublesome. rattling keys outside
and an accidental caps lock caught here

and taken. i'm separated by a screen and really
what would the difference be. i can't fight this.

wouldn't like to. i just keep typing and thinking
or something - keep processing all of these

signals signs and indicators. you make me
feel things or i make myself. i let myself

allow you. all these permissions granted
and how i love it how it makes me tense up

ready to flinch ready to back away and pretend
again again. it's hard to be real and to speak

your heart. what's in a heart. and i don't know why
she suggests an obliteration of "this" in a poem.

i love this. i love impreciseness and ambiguity
and the removal of this ... i disagree and i never feel
right (rights).

i feel alive between bouts of head ache and uncertainty.
when the wind gusts.
i want this very much to work.