when it's you
it's you

it doesn't happen so often that
that is the feeling

and laying on the floor or
standing in the stairwell

the landing

YOU ARE IN EVERY MOVIE AND SHOW OH FUCK

:D :D

:D :D



That was a separation. Don't listen.
Don't.

A1: a

large

and brassy
in the corridor

en-caged.


In the kennel
and bed.








A2: i


A dead one on the table.

Top.

Another.

All the hair on end
en-matting.

Chirping, shining
out. To sing --

About them now
- a partial glow

a broadening
flowering.

on this

mushroom pizza
and pepper onion mushroom pizza

two very different pizzas.
trust me.

Blue

Sky turning orange ___about to be
burning or some sort of light on the line.

What fighting turns away
from___what loving linger
loss. My job

hates me. What I mean to say
I can't.

And ants. Any number
of insects in kitchen _in bedroom
_in back. Twelve in the bowl
when I last ate my waffle.

This morning. This morning means
many chances not. Also

how long. A beeping in night
with dog beside __ Arm over both.


I'll never not love you.

and a lot of times

I sound or come off or seem maybe
derisive
like I'm putting something down
being sarcastic

I swear it's not true. I don't think I've learned yet how to indicate my sincere interest in and/or love for things. There's an accompanying embarrassment. A verbal blushing.

can work days

also be days of leisure? bought the 88cent shampoo. bought some mondo coolers or something, swiss cake rolls, and a bottle of boones.

could be sewing or eating or swimming or workout or bathing for hours on end? could be procuring paper towels. lately i spend a lot of time spraying fruit flies with windex. attempting capture. murdering.

realizing my lack of command of the english language. of proper language, at least, which frightens because then i'm just ignorant - not railing against convention, just doing the things that i'm doing. which is sort of what i've been striving for
and could be the greatest way to be. you cannot lose if you don't play the game (?) all my life advice is coming from movies and tv shows and does that make it mean less? it's some luck what you learn and what sticks.

I guess we could make up the building from bodies. Structure beams of concrete-marrowed bone. Use only the already petrified. Leatherized. Wooden. At first there would be shortages of cartilage or organs. Eventually, when people saw how grand and realized, the middle class'd begin bequeathing bodies. The richer donating money besides. And eyes. Grand chemicals.

These dogs

have invaded our house. And yesterday.
Everything at work was dripping. Water
on everything. Sliming and slipping. The flies,
infesting our house, swarm and land on paper towels
and bread. You're fruit flies, goddamn
fruit flies land on fruit.

Am I the only one who realizes the danger

of talking about
anything you've done or will or plan to?
Of anything created. Of whys.
Not to just anyone! Not to some strange Sarah on the phone for god knows what reason.

I don't have a plan for my life right now. I kind of do, but I don't know how much I can tell the Real Job Police. Cause they probably don't want to hear "I plan to go to grad school to pursue my dream of being a poet"
STAMPED: will-be-leaving, not-dedicated-to-this-job
But people always ask and so I tell them some things. Usually what I think they want to hear. And then if I can't tell what she's wanting, if I can't tell what this job is and how to get it...

I probably should have asked. Asked more and stopped answering the questions about why I chose my college. Where I see myself in 2 or 10 years. I mean, none of my explanations were working. Maybe she was a simpering robot anyway. Maybe one day I will be able to get through an interview without questioning my existence. But maybe I'll become a famous poet recluse. Or even an unknown poet just recluse who picks vegetables all day and roasts some of them and dehydrates the rest.


OH and after talking about my PASSION for WRITING my LOVE of WORDS my DREAM of BECOMING a poet, I was just like
maaaan
fuck all a that shit.

not really. but maybe really. i mean, who knows?!
I just wanna paint trees and watch shows sometimes! (and pick and put up vegetables)

"Colby. I wanna be your girlfriend. More than an electron wants to attach to a proton."

ON a positive note

I've purchased the bars for mandar (be expecting a package within the next whenever I get to the post office...) and
riding to work this morning was like riding through water. Not sure how to convey this...and it wasn't that I was biking that mattered so much, it was just the way the world was, and me in it, and it felt like being underwater. Maybe the combination of cloud/little light/humidity temperature...
It also felt like vacation. There's a particular sort of early morning that always reminds me of vacation. Going to Disney World or Chicago.

I love

when people say "this isn't what they charge me at (insert geographical location of other store)!"

Particularly when they're on their cellphone and are half complaining to me/half bitching to the person on the phone

and I can't explain to them that they're actually getting a better deal than they would any other day because flavor's included for free today

and if they'd look at the fucking menu they wouldn't have to bitch at me and tell the person on the phone all about how inept we are and how they're going to start going someplace else.

Good job, person. Good. Job.