Can you not?

I hate the waiting
for bleeding. It seems so
19th century
or biblical even. Shouldn't we, as a civilization,
be past this? I think so. Someone
develop a drug
so I don't have to tell myself
"the fetus would be alcohol-damaged
anyway" (if allowed to grow,
if it ever existed). I think
that if some egg did manage
release from the ovary,
clung to the wall,
and was fertilized - I think
I would,
at first, feel satisfactorily
full, then
freak the fuck out. Be
angry at him. For not having
to deal with it
physically. And this is why
I want to pay for his drinks
and his dinner, bake muffins
and such.

No worrying this time.
I've escaped yet again, my uterus
lining falling - more accurate:
oozing. Gross. Because something or society says so.
I've always really felt real
clean after the pink blood
turns to red and then the pain
in my legs
in the opening
everywhere. Like a soreness after
exercise, an accomplishment
of existence of continued cycling
and this is why I don't see time
as linear
this is why i remember spring memories
in spring
and other seasons other times. This makes
my memories out of line for others
and leads me to tag by scent by light
instead of logic. Maybe this is why I remember
everything you've ever said/why you cannot
relinquish.