Some Thoughts

I want: a Solar Cooker, to watch Arrested Development (a lot in a row), more Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee. Fun was last night last night was fun. You're an ampersand. Why? reminds me of The Dismemberment Plan for some reason. Becky had a pretty bird around her neck, my clothes were finally bright enough and break brake.
Anthony emailed me back (!) Some man thinks I am a publishing house (?)
Let's dance. UUVVWWZ TONIGHT./all day. I work all weekend I pack all weekend...

WANTED:
men to help me move on Monday.
I will give you food and/or alcohol in exchange for your manual labor.
I need people in the evening especially. Sign up here:

My knee

it's still
numb and swollen
sometimes.

so i'm going to the health center tomorrow.
again.

ps. the laurus baby arrived today - named mac.

I know

when is the last time I've been this ____? Monk. Bodega's and Duffy's. Shit son. Why do I always fall to these things and these places? I am disappointed/a disappointment. I just want us to ___ each other or eat each other or to hide inside you somewhere, curled up and inconsequential. I just want to be already moved and reading books. Don't cry anymore, woman on the television. I hide behind my lines so why won't you?

shit shit shit

I can't go to work anymore I just can't
go to work anymore I can't go to work
anymore I just don't want to.

smiley face and google-y eyes on plants and campari

Apparently

you're pregnant. Well that sucks.

Dear bicycle, dear fox in the road:

Camping is a better way
to bachelorette it, I
think. The less I get topless the better.
The ranger came and put Jess in cuffs,
but only at our request. Earlier, we picked
two guys at Dave and Busters and had them
compete for who would make the prettiest baby
with Jess (in the photo booth). We shot each other
with water guns. We took free shots and ate free mounds
of cotton candy.

I'm sorry I'm obsessed with all
your parts. I'm sorry I'm not more creative lately.

I brood or I have a brood

It's a gorgeous morning. The clouds:
it's not my words you want, but taste
them - you'll see. It's an absolutely
gorgeous morning. And I am glad to be
alive with a bike and carrying cupcakes.

Had a near miss with a squirrel - I swear
I think it shrieked as my tire whizzed by
its head.

Blood

blood blood
in dreams and on knees and from elbows.
You have a triangle on your abdomen
hanging from your pants.
Triangles jab or rip when we want them:
when they want us to split seems
to trick her to hurt
her. I've split seams and read
what I shouldn't have known
was occurring. Now hurt in the jaw
or the gut. Burst bubble
in the throat - gouged
butterflies and road dust on the road.



don't draw a life lesson from this
and risk

things may be getting out of control

or i am realizing the inherent futility in attempting to maintain control and/or composure. consistent embarrassment and not realizing or remembering or being awake (for his 1130 call?)? what is this? when did this happen? when was this message left? at least i know your voice. at least that recognition. i've been too busy. or preoccupied with figuring out how to style my hair/whether or not my cat eyes my winged out liner is even (more important than you'll ever know). or drunk/hungover/unhappy/trying not to bother you. i try not to bother you a lot. it's one of my major driving forces. and yes, i use both the collective and the specific 'you' in this sense. god i can't write right now or never have been able to
there are moments
but there's so much work to do with not that much time to be smart or the perfectly clever red wine drinker i'd want to be. i don't even know who i'd want to be or what i'm being now.
this, here, another period of fuckinggoddamn transition. why wasn't i born a robot? why can't women just be seen and not heard? or children or maybe that's the problem all the or's and all my labeling/my lack of kayacking. it's true. and i'll start to spell things different ways before you stop me.
pow pow pow pow pow
my magic pony
my kum quat

abc

defg
hij
k
lmno
p
qrs
tuuuuv
wxyyyyyy
z

last night

was the latest night i've had in awhile,
at least as far as staying out at activities in omaha
and then driving back to lincoln without tail lights goes.

ssstop.

I don't know how to be ____ I don't know how to be ____ I don't know _________________. Oh fuck. This wine does taste a little like _____
bananas

Eriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccc
stop leaving and not talking to me.
it makes me sad.
i don't understand how to behave at parties i don't
understand
how to behave how to
where are you and what of my emails? (email). ridiculous. pointless.
everyone smoking and me not but me out there with everyone smoking.

i can taste it on your tongue.

paula dean (????) <
fuck baby.
fucking stop making me feel
as if to cry as if to not
attempt. i miss it -
all the hangings out.

i miss the things i used to think mattered, or the thinking that mattered.

if i can grow my nails long, how much longer till i poem it?

and again.
fuck baby...

blahg

I know where Oklahoma goes upon hearing from Canadia. The brooms align, won't brush away leaves or the branches.
Everything you think is creative, in actuality indicates a mental defect. A way to think of things that spreads. Your hands are clenching and pounding fists with the other ones. The kids want you to sign theirs, and breasts go out of fashion. There is an entire chicken in my freezer. Romance novels and masturbation? Jakarta and bombs. Romance novels with bombs? Military romance. I'm so tired of feeling you without feeling you without remembering. Dear God I don't believe in, I might believe in something more like ghosts but what does that matter? My grandmother's wishing me to hell without realizing, none of this exists. There's what you feel and what is real. There are trees that break when you climb them or wind them. There are winds that break trees and everything is real. There's you at my back with your arms and that sensation of being bug or turtle or love.

$8 wine that resembled and dripped like a bouquet. Becky's blog on a large computer and pancakes and dropped on the floor. Not talking if at all possible. Love and love and love and lobe. Ears ringing and naked.

clock.matter.bone.

your baby's
photograph.