Happy Halloween~!

I anticipate a costumed night of drinking.

I know

I'm just
partying
with Amanda.

so.

i just came out
to my feminist theories class
and it was really

awkward. i felt like my face was suddenly
blushing uncontrollably and i was all hot
so i stopped talking.

advice: don't come out to people
when you don't fall into a specific category

of sexual orientation. don't do it
in class.

oh sharp things

don't hit me.
don't stab
me with your
blunt

edge's

edge.





i do like you
yo yo ma
as a wolfe
enjoys a violinist

wolf? beautiful
olives

beautiful music.

I just can't

go to class today. I need to be registered
I need to graduate. I need to read
and write and

figure
out
my
liiiiiiiiiife(!) halloween
thisweek.

<3

When you're married

you're married. And you can have babies and shit. I am, currently, watching About Schmidt. This reminds me of something; but, oh anger. "...cocky bastard..." I know his wife is going to die. Everyone maybe thinks they will be important. Or are. I keep thinking things are moving or that someone could be in this motherfucking house and these are some reasons why I don't want to be alone. "She has a position of some responsibility...recently she got engaged..." Oh come the fuck on. Is what I say. Is what I say to you.

This

is what my new hair cut is based on.

You don't know what you love

but I know.

Everything about you
is bruised and

honey. Everything
you point with

points
toes. Points

to us. We were standing
on the side of some

mountain, somewhere,
and you said, in all

seriousness a manner
like yours composes;

has it ever been eyes? Is
anyone really

out there?
And up.

I just don't know what to think

about vibrators.

Today

I made the best vegan pancakes EVER and decided to clean with relatively environmentally safe products.
So then walked to Russ's with my laundry bag and purchased. Walked back and began scouring with baking-soda-white-vinegar and dipping things in bleach.
The plunger didn't seem to unclog the tub drain. Fuck.
The tub is my last obstacle.

God this apartment is creepy when you look at it closely. There was all this black slime in the sink and the toilet and rust in the sink catch. Latex gloves were my wisest purchase.
It's a moldy slimy rusty existence.

Baby I need your lovin

got

to have aall
yooou
r loov
in

It's not

that I don't think there is truth;

I just think it's difficult to separate
oneself from societal and personal prejudices.
To see things through a clear lens. To see
things in general. The language is problematic;
for instance words like good or bad. It's like we make up
the categories and then force-fit everything in to these
(according to what categories exist, to what we deem normal/good/real).

God. Bricks. Tobacco. Liar. Journalism. Sushi.
Things
are. But ideas mix in
and words become more important
than what is real.

Man. I need to sell a Barbie Dream House (Copyright).

Hey Mountain Goats

!!!
Who's going?
PS to kyle: sorry for drunk-commenting on your blog last night.

Remember

not to say things especially
not to type things

I kill flies here
and my boss

called I guess I'm supposed to call
all the other stores unless

they call me
say *open!*

oops. I didn't know. No one
ever told me that, specifically.
And I avoid doing things
he had called me to check
around 7 the past few weeks
this time 8:30 sounded angry
oops.

I will not be getting any drunker tonight

I just have to take up wherever we left off
you were a really good kisser

I wish I would have walked with you
to the sunken gardens that night
I wish I would have stayed awhile

Now I just bite off finger bits
and think of all the people all the boys
and the games of spin the bottle
I only played once kissed
another girl's boyfriend

I think that's a sort of a fetish of mine
just something that's fun
to kiss
someone who belongs to someone not you

I belong to you and you belong as well
how do we take it where
is your car with you
following

My grandma was crying and I felt

My grandpa never hugs unless I go to him

What is this notion of babysitting and it's gendered existence
I love so much sometimes
when running
and when you're

I lifted up

my purple pitcher and the lid had a chunk broken off. And then there were three separate pieces missing from the ridge the lid fits into, just sitting inside of the pitcher.

What the fuck happened here.

I can't talk to poets.

They're just so ______.

What has power

over you? This is like a conversation with the wall. Her
bangs
mistake us for
fundamentalists

you think you know what it all means
in that you don't know you
accept that

acceptance. what are the stages of grief
or of mourning? a black dress
the lily smell
sandwiches
and so on and on

I did roast the chicken and it was
almost completely cooked (wrong side down)
not that ( ) has anything to do with the almost

not necessarily

I just want your holding of me to continue.

Sometimes words

can sound so good. But then
often there is a discounting of someone
a leaving out of facts. What is real
and true. How do we differentiate
between the good feel and
the real. As in the movie Elizabeth
the Cate Blanchett one
that I watched, liking, and thought
I could really emulate this
this is how I could act and be
a woman and strong and respected
not strident.

Then the movie wasn't like her life
the movie isn't her I listened
to Professor Levin and was so sad
because I'd trusted a depiction
as a way to formulate my life
but it's too weak too much
weakness

All you need to know

about that town hall thing last night
(besides the fact that John McCain is part reptile)

I want

this

Ah ha ha ha

it's...






(an april fools joke)

Read it (see page 8 re: cunt comment)

"I'm sure John McCain loves his country," says Richard Clarke, the former counterterrorism czar under Bush. "But loving your country and lying to the American people are apparently not inconsistent in his view."

It's a learning experience

I don't know that just keeps
coming

Feel: somewhat guilty/bad

Project: done

Parents: maybe maybe not pleased with me

do these things matter

the debate last night was engaging
and a delight to watch because
joe biden kicked sarah palin's ass

but palin's fucking folksy talk/winking/blatant
reversals of truth
did grate

Buy me a sassy retro

apron!

From Planned Parenthood's Website:

"The risk of death from childbirth is 11 times greater than the risk of death from an abortion procedure during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy."

So, who's life are you for Sarah Palin? You would "counsel life" for a 15 year old pregnant through rape by her father...counsel for which life?

I'm consistently frustrated with how much influence a little speck of a fetus can have over people. And I know this is just hypothetical (the question asked); but if you're going to offend me I wish you would at least defend yourself with more than sputtering, meaningless rhetoric. You disgust me.

It's

Planned

Happy October!

do you ever have those nights
when you mix a little 'grape koolaid jammer'
with the remnants of blue raspberry mad dog and then
a few glasses of franzia
sounds good? It's quite fun squirting out
those koolaid jammers. And I feel a lot better today
in that
I feel good
and I think talking to people and pushing past initial
indignation (?) is a good plan.

I was hanging up clothes while talking to you last night and my bed was clear by the time we hung up.
I'm excited for the vice-presidential debate!