will not cure hiccups:

1. seeing e naked
2. drinking water upside-down, followed by shot of vodka, followed by lick pomegranate molasses off of finger.

just because

the cute bank teller laughs and says "awww, you're so funny!"
does NOT mean she's flirting with you.

or...wants to "do" you...graaaaaaah.

no matter how many dum dums end up in your little black bank tube.




graaaaaaah means a slap.

Thumbs up

Ralph Nader!

So this guy

asks me do I have a cell phone
yeah
and can I call him to make sure his phone's working
okay, 402?
and then I'm like oh man wait this is a little weird but I'm already calling him and now he has my number.

Experiment

Experiment.


A. You'll rot your teeth out

B. You'll shoot your teeth out

C. Your teeth will shoot out through your eyes, like stars, when the zombie apocalypse happens.

D. It's okay to scream without eyelids.

Q: Who said scream?
A: Scream was released in 1996 by a misanthropic company now known as The-Jews-Couldn't-Stop-It. There weren't any zombies in that country.

E. Jude Law was going to produce a sequel once everyone was dead but the zombies. He did all his own stunts including the one where he couldn't come unless the girl came but had no idea how to manufacture.

F. Couldn't tell at all.

G. If it happened it wouldn't have mattered because Jude Law's cock was already being sandblasted clean of Jewess-Zombie guts.

H. He liked to think of it as shaped like any dry socket or any tree stump's tiny hole.

I. He liked pretending he could dissolve to fit into any place without so much as an episode.

I AM A TOOL

and also so white. And a tool. All day:

bus worrrrrrrrrrrrrk bus hooome.

(adding sodium to the low sodium vegetable juice shooting it
making bechamel for dinner turning it into mornay)

Siren outside. Did anyone else see these today ? Is anyone going to be downtown tomorrow?
I don't know if I can make it. It's cold. And I'm also a douche. Sry Kyle.

It's a hard

year to be new

_*edit*_____________________________________________
But not really
in a negative sense.

Because it always is sometimes hard to be a person and to get it right and you just have to tell yourself you learned things. You've been rescued. No one had ordered a burger and it wasn't anything you or the waitress did, sir; I'm sorry, we have a ride. It's got to be tough to be working on New Years or any holiday, really. It's snowing again. I could not survive in the wilderness. I think I would cry myself into an ice tower of helplessness. Oh man.

But I ate half of half of a duck last night and am finally sewing this obese goodwill dress into a normal dress after buying it last summer. last YEAR!