well

how do i not write shitty poems?!

There are things about me you don't know

like I stuffed a bunch of toilet paper in my loafers this morning to absorb the violent sweating of my feet on the walk to pick up the donated baguettes.
all my clothes hang off my body oddly & I sweat in my sleep even so much so I don't like to sleep in underwear or anything.
& I bite the skin on my hands till I bleed on my paperwork and get embarrassed. & I keep keep picking at it biting and clipping with scissors even.
My stomach lumps and bulges like a gut he calls my sexy. wants it let out of the shorts he says I wear too high on the waist he says "let out the sexy" and pulls them down.
& the toilet paper clung & clumped & shredded on my feet & in my shoes & made a mess but did seem to help somewhat.
This slime in here could cradle you & repel you & consume you. you could hide in the fat of my folds _ in the folds of my clothes _ crumple up with the disintegrating toilet paper in my shoes.

Do I remind you of my mother?

Will you then buy a dog for me? i'll invite your whole family to get in the stew with mine but you don't like that you tell them not to come until next weekend.

It is my fault the potatoes weren't finished & perfect & it is my fault her father didn't love her. that could have been the moment. or at least that's how she sang it.
she is all curves in the body. these wind & twist into sharp jabbering bits when she's speaking.

her mind's a fucking canal that takes you nowhere nice.
& there are no gondolas. & there is no god. & all you do is pray or grab her hair. you have to love her you're the only one who will.



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I say to you "hello dearling"
I fantasize we lay down on the bed and the scarf is tied around your eyes and you're left to guess where I'm kissing you. Is that your neck, for instance?





I am kissing the elbows you walk on. I am kissing your ribcage as it disintegrates. I made it through orientation. I love love love love love






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Quarters

Dies inside_______________a drifter
not coming on
to anyone I am sorry you thought
I'd tell you anything
true, i'm sorry I called___________my boss
___________________________________a liar and asked
___________________________________for another quarter

He will not call you back
for nine days. you will call
and be told "i was
disconcerted. i was struck
dumb and just so you know we can only
afford to pay you .25 more.
you weren't
trained in Europe__________________afterall."
and besides that a bitch.


I can't afford
throwing text towards you
any longer. or comparing
the spots there and there.

you're a child I want to allow
the controlling of me for a minute.
and you're not mine, child.
wouldn't that be wrong_____________it's wrong
no matter what I do. no matter
what i do it's wrong

& I love still. & I tear still.
& I rip myself open & split
& am trussed together
again. I showed you. But you only
know a quarter of the story.