well

how do i not write shitty poems?!

There are things about me you don't know

like I stuffed a bunch of toilet paper in my loafers this morning to absorb the violent sweating of my feet on the walk to pick up the donated baguettes.
all my clothes hang off my body oddly & I sweat in my sleep even so much so I don't like to sleep in underwear or anything.
& I bite the skin on my hands till I bleed on my paperwork and get embarrassed. & I keep keep picking at it biting and clipping with scissors even.
My stomach lumps and bulges like a gut he calls my sexy. wants it let out of the shorts he says I wear too high on the waist he says "let out the sexy" and pulls them down.
& the toilet paper clung & clumped & shredded on my feet & in my shoes & made a mess but did seem to help somewhat.
This slime in here could cradle you & repel you & consume you. you could hide in the fat of my folds _ in the folds of my clothes _ crumple up with the disintegrating toilet paper in my shoes.

Do I remind you of my mother?

Will you then buy a dog for me? i'll invite your whole family to get in the stew with mine but you don't like that you tell them not to come until next weekend.

It is my fault the potatoes weren't finished & perfect & it is my fault her father didn't love her. that could have been the moment. or at least that's how she sang it.
she is all curves in the body. these wind & twist into sharp jabbering bits when she's speaking.

her mind's a fucking canal that takes you nowhere nice.
& there are no gondolas. & there is no god. & all you do is pray or grab her hair. you have to love her you're the only one who will.



*******************************************************************

I say to you "hello dearling"
I fantasize we lay down on the bed and the scarf is tied around your eyes and you're left to guess where I'm kissing you. Is that your neck, for instance?





I am kissing the elbows you walk on. I am kissing your ribcage as it disintegrates. I made it through orientation. I love love love love love






***********************************************************************
Quarters

Dies inside_______________a drifter
not coming on
to anyone I am sorry you thought
I'd tell you anything
true, i'm sorry I called___________my boss
___________________________________a liar and asked
___________________________________for another quarter

He will not call you back
for nine days. you will call
and be told "i was
disconcerted. i was struck
dumb and just so you know we can only
afford to pay you .25 more.
you weren't
trained in Europe__________________afterall."
and besides that a bitch.


I can't afford
throwing text towards you
any longer. or comparing
the spots there and there.

you're a child I want to allow
the controlling of me for a minute.
and you're not mine, child.
wouldn't that be wrong_____________it's wrong
no matter what I do. no matter
what i do it's wrong

& I love still. & I tear still.
& I rip myself open & split
& am trussed together
again. I showed you. But you only
know a quarter of the story.

who wants to go swimming with retro suit?! i have retro suit.

you can't trust me you can't trust me you can't trust me because I will be ALL ABOUT eating you alive, and will feel bad about it half to two thirds of the way through but by then you are already HALFWAY EATEN*.

what you gonna do then?
nothing mothafucker nothing.

I won't really eat you I won't even bite you but I might be mean or try to be funny or something and then feel real bad about it like I HURT YOU
Hay-zeus-christo. Mother yes Mother mother mothery

I do want to smother you a little no
not as in suffocate but just I want to smother you
in jam? In rhubarb jam? A little whip?






Arrived: two dresses from mod cloth today
not. sure. if-i-like-themmmm
well, if they like my body and are good on me/will behave.

Still to arrive: new glasses



*you may be, possibly, mayyyybe are 2/3 of the way eaten

What's beautiful

makes you a mythical creature I use too much.
The dog looks like Falkor
Is licking at blood on its leg
Is stretching.
Doing crooked face and dragging its body along
the rug with it's front paws pulling.
We cooked what looked like the hungry hungry caterpillar,
making baked kale again, or maybe some sort of grub - salted and heated and oily and wilting like the leaves. It's a forest out there. I mean it's a garden. But it's not really just the plants. Things are dirty in there really dirty. They've got life all over them and you taste it when it's entering you.

stop being boring and really be something with pink lips and cut hair and good poems really inventive and magical delicious poems and then I'll bake you all the kale I promise it'll be so perfect and crunching down on it.

Do you remember the flooding before your nap? Flooded down to the toes through the entire lower body and then later flashes.
I thought you were making the noise of a raven at me or said raven or cawed but I just breathed differently to let you know I knew you.

Whaddaya know!

I'm an introvert!

It storms. This morning was a rainbow and a bug up my nose. Oh fug.
And a too short dress a bit bit
and then Mary Kay "free facial"s
not so facial, i mean, not so much
i didn't buy anything or get anything
much out of it

And then grits

And teeth.

new laptop. New conversation with my mother
who called me with my brother's phone to make me answer

better
better
better

i wish someone knew and could tell me
all the answers to any questions__like why this sudden socket

or sodden. from where.
there hasn't been a lot of typing__what so
without the caboose and without Maude to make it

so so. Sew you. Sew pieces
with threading
with needling

sew lovely little birdy's bones
sew
chew.















we'll chew the lads into completion
and out of this mass. we'll roil within
and boil our skin until ready and sold

so for vending.







what was sylvia plath thinking
you could ask. you could ask all the questions
be answered. all there is

pieces of days combed into a life
this is happening__now
we are happening.

in the bedroom__behind walls
that small

space of mold on the ceiling turned floor.
the blackening and the swamp
there. where it's happening.

your wet life. your wetting. your beautiful skin cells
are shedding.