Retreat retreat!

retreat.


Hey, but it's okay, because Mad Men is on tonight.
Am I really back to counting my blessings?
Preconceived-notions-speech. These "high fructose corn
syrup is okay" ads concern and disgust me. It's like
those ads with the doctors smoking cigarettes. See?
They're okay. It's okay. We're all gonna be o-kay.

Except what if we're not?

My party personality

just became my, you know, permanent personality

Just wanted a bagel

so I went to the academic grind and reached in to grab myself one, indecision, reached further towards the back, awkwardly grabbing one bagel while touching others with my sleeve. Success. And as I'm pulling the bagel out the girl at the register tells me I can open the next drawer up for easier access.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

I think I am going to freak out.

Oh wait, I already have. I'm having my quarter life crisis. Guess that means I'll only make it to 84. I hate the health center/my insurance company. They're both conspiring to cost me lots of money. I was only 15 minutes late this morning and the woman tried to say it was 35 and "no such luck, you'll be charged for this and will have to make another appointment." Whatever. It's not like I actually have anyone to blame but myself. Which is also why I have to pay for those x-rays. Because I'm not a good daughter. And I flake out on people. So I can't ask for assistance. And I skipped class yesterday just because I didn't like how I felt at the time. I wish crying in the fetal position actually made me feel better instead of simply making my nose run.

Ah republicans.

how does one deal with the disappointment of a parent
or of anyone? when you feel this intensely as a failing of the capacity
to be something to someone else? i fail like this on occasion.
there's only so much of me.

We make cakes

and sometimes cut into them

I think

it's the whole "tired/sick" thing. Plus school and work and then the keeping piling on of people.
I can't think about it. I just need to do things. I am not yet a failure. Sushi. Relax.