Bliggedy Blahg

GET EXCITED ABOUT CUTLASS

2012-01-23T20:09:00.003-06:00

I am excited about what's happening on Cutlass.

Opening: do I need to massage my dog

This is a blog about my dog vomiting.

2011-12-27T22:52:00.001-06:00

2011-12-27T22:41:00.010-06:00

I have nightmares

about it. You barely

dream. While I'm over here

counting.

Sharing the article

about two Asperger kids

with love on. Kept using

the term coefficient.

MY GLASSES

ARE DEAD.

Have you seen

2011-12-27T22:39:00.003-06:00

the Girl with the Dragon tattoo yet?

This a blog about Justin

2011-12-27T22:39:00.001-06:00

Patton Oswalt's special is playing

This is a blog

2011-12-27T22:32:00.001-06:00

about my dog vomiting

THERE IS NO PRETENDING

2011-09-04T11:09:00.002-05:00

Mary Jo Bang

There is no pretending to know

What crawls out of the mind lying quiet

By itself in the snow of the grave grass.

The living know this alone:

The onomatopoetic fout-ta-ta-rou of the mitral valve

Inferred but not felt by a mind that has left

Itself to others. Decisionless and dull, I am one

with the glass-bound aluminum clouds

In a glitter-knitted metallica sky. I live on

The bit of air that follows a door's night close

And the dusky base of the thumbnail that darkens

As it presses down on earth fading away beneath

It. Pax, peace. Axe, beat

Of the heart and its dumb numbered afterecho.

UGh

2011-08-14T11:20:00.001-05:00

"ugh"

beets.

2011-08-03T10:15:00.003-05:00

there's one shriveling in a pot on the porch. dreamt i dug it up

and just kept digging. juicy soft red red magenta. beet upon beet upon beet.

i had 5 or so. i took a dog

to the movie theater.

2011-07-24T11:15:00.001-05:00

weeded the garden. saw a large earth

toned monarch-style butterfly. cicada

terror. no banana peppers because of.

tugboat reading

2011-07-19T18:53:00.004-05:00

potato mosquito

photos and videos

2011-07-10T20:11:00.001-05:00

Sauce

It’s disingenuous to boil like that and so quickly
at the blues bar a lady asked the boy to a Waltz
while the cello was going On and On about stars

When we knew one another we knew best
A barbecued brisket Knew how to tenderize
everything

Sauce

There’s no fur to grow to hide behind there’s no way
to make this something acceptable I say

I want to move in with my lady friend and grow some mushrooms
on a log. They come like that
on the Internet you can grow
Portabellos or anything you can read
Literotica

Eat apples Eat gummy apples

Sauce

Gifts are a passive aggressive act
is the best insult you’ve ever come up with.
Do you change the color of a fabric
simply by touching it. Can you put something
like bless your heart in a document.
Your face is an oil slick.

Sauce

I’ve got a mouth full of barbecue sauce. My teeth
are the raw onions. Every time I hang out with KT

I make her go to the mall with me. I brush my teeth.
I eat the dog. This sauce is smelling up every house

we’ve ever had. I opened my mouth
let some blood out.

The cereal still went in. It’s only
that corner keeps ripping

a poet in lincoln

2011-07-10T03:10:00.004-05:00

maybe if i update my blog more
i'll come to be considered
a poet or figurehead.
if i keep paying rent
i can feel like i own something.
get rid of a sourness.
annihilate. dream
bottomless jacuzzis.

2011-06-19T22:17:00.001-05:00

how to keep things at bay

Forever

2011-06-17T17:07:00.001-05:00

I am never going to cut my hair this short again. I only will grow it.

I'm going to cut off my appendages

2011-06-15T21:44:00.002-05:00

I feel like (a behavior) - Here, we are expressing our feelings in the form of a behavior. Again, these are unclear and indirect. They may be graphic and entertaining, but they are usually exaggerations and distortions which don't help us focus on our true feelings.

I feel like: ... strangling him ... shooting him ... wringing his neck ... telling her off ... teaching him a lesson ... filing for divorce ... dumping him ... quitting ... giving up ... jumping off of a cliff

In other words, people who use such expressions feel like a behavior, an action, an act. Thus, they are not in touch with their feelings. They may be acting out their lives as they think others would rather than acting as unique individuals. Or they simply imagine themselves taking action rather than actually using their emotions to motivate them to take appropriate action.

2011-03-06T11:25:00.005-06:00

i just feel like SUCH a phony and SUCH an enforcer of patriarchy and SO much that there is nowhere to go and nothing that can be said. like
dumb dum dum dum

like

secret life of the american teenager.

like

an erk vacuums.

do you know how to get out of here do you know how to get rid of this carpet body. i feel like such a slab of a carpet. thought the blanket was a dog. was looking up dream definitions till 1:47 but I saw that there could be a ghoul over in the doorway so it was bedtime. Walk in the dark with your eyes closed it's less afraid.

hollow shell
hell. the eggs

are old. pull out.
there's a little
bit of chicken in each

each one. why
can't I realize
I'm alive

not end up
terrified. Like

when I realize
that we're both

each the empty casing.

2011-02-20T23:55:00.002-06:00

performative
sadness or
pull the flask out of your bag
like it's a magic trick

O H FUUUCK

2011-02-07T21:08:00.002-06:00

man. that movie.
you should watch it
and talk to me about it
or just drink some tequila with orange juice

yay for Jessica!

2010-12-19T11:12:00.001-06:00

thanks to you for posting these, next time we will read in a less crazy noisy time

dedicated to ben

2010-12-05T13:35:00.001-06:00

mmmmmmm

but only because of the cuuuure!

2010-12-05T12:55:00.003-06:00

this song
or anything by band of horses sometimes
just cause they play all the time on amanda's pandora stations
question mark

and, so chill. sooo
chiiiill

sometimes i want to grow fur

sometimes all i can do is stretch vowels

i realize we will always be in the red
because i make it that way. force it back.
force you. gently now

i have keys and strings and metal to sew with

there's a tree dropping things on the lawn
you know gravity. it's been nice
knowing you'd never not love me. it's been
nice to express that to you when i meant it.

the fluctuation with us always. the life flux.
do you stretch daily? do you keep the muscles
in your feet well-toned?

2010-12-03T11:57:00.001-06:00

i hope you didn't come here looking for poetries

2010-11-29T22:19:00.001-06:00

my bike is back :D

2010-11-28T19:24:00.002-06:00

1. re: horkin' it up - hasn't in awhile! knock on wood. knock on all wooden objects!!
2. tell m that meeting with the counselor as mediator is a yes probably a yes.
3. i need that hat anyway.
4. i think last time i was in the building was switching my meds, or upping them because i was home for the holidaze. and we had a joint session there at some point.
5. almost told you to medicate yourself.
6. almost told you just don't talk to me anymore. cut contact if you're gonna cut contact. just quit FUCKIN' HASSLIN' MEEE
7. seriously.
8. maybe next time i'll have a formal dinner party, and/or get a skinnier table, so there's room to move from table to other rooms.
9. landlords inserted our storms today. i mean husband, wife, and son. and the son was not too keen to be there. i could relate. but also, if i ever talked like that to my mom SHE WOULD SUGGEST A JOINT COUNSELING SESSION

2010-11-20T11:09:00.001-06:00

my bike was stolen on september 14th, and recovered a few days after. i have yet to hear anyone's opinion on when i recover it :(

Actually

2010-11-20T11:03:00.002-06:00

ate a tenderloin last night - I barely ever eat a steak! The last time was at bread and cup. So, uh, the steak was good/crazy bc it had bacon and blue cheese "crust" and before we went to JTK we drank a watermelon four loko and then afterwards we went's to J's and drank a cranberry lemonade four loko. E fell asleep at a mid late night time but i stayed up past one (?) forced myself to bed and just now woke up.
This. Is an account. Of my night. Minus the fact that we also got D'Leon's at some point. ha
gotta figure out what i'm bringing to first thanksgiving.
kyle (and others) reading tomorrow, anybody wanna be my poetry date? c'mon c'mon

oh and baby keeps vomiting up food and sometimes mucous...boston/pug thing? or sick thing? he keep jumpin' around like he's fine...

HELLO EVERYONE

2010-11-01T19:25:00.002-05:00

things
things
things
i haven't been on here in a ways
das racist
werk
paranormal activity 2
got my first gardasil shot 2day
it burned
ho ho ho
gardasil
now a recommended vaccination in the adult vaccination schedule! now something my insurance covers! thanks, insurance. thank you.

WHERE IS MY BIKE

2010-09-14T22:55:00.002-05:00

1. i have a house
2. i borrow eric's bike already, i was wanting a new "my own" bike already
3. i'm not drunk
4. no one was killed for the bike
5. the apartment had a small kitchen
6. and so on and so on

sh*tty days

2010-09-14T22:43:00.002-05:00

"bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch"
it is probably not a good idea to follow up shitty work day completion
with a small amount of forced starvation and biking
and a rushed preparation and slurping up of dinner
and then an apartment viewing ready to rent with the news of "so sorry, i just rented it"
bitch bitch bitch bitch

bc you didn't even want it sooo much but now YOU CAN NEVER HAVE IT. and nothing is available now but cracker jack boxes. and i have no hope.
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
and i'm so tired. but my bike has been, apparently, stolen. and kan said he'd help get another but UGH UGH UGH.

oh and the four glasses of port. sober just in time for bed and bike news just
in time to freak out about the apartment again, though i'd thought myself calm.
just enough to let out all the everything i'd been taunting myself with, to tears, in the car.
breaths
some breaths
and faster breathing.

just
fucking
sweat all over
everything
why don't you.

and i don't write poems. i haven't written any poems. i can't not think about all of the ways i am failing and how i was supposed to go to that movie tonight.

i, actually, texted my mom about the apt and the movie. i am renting! i am seeing! and then had to ruin the both of those.

whatever

well

2010-08-08T00:22:00.000-05:00

how do i not write shitty poems?!

There are things about me you don't know

2010-08-05T22:32:00.003-05:00

like I stuffed a bunch of toilet paper in my loafers this morning to absorb the violent sweating of my feet on the walk to pick up the donated baguettes.
all my clothes hang off my body oddly & I sweat in my sleep even so much so I don't like to sleep in underwear or anything.
& I bite the skin on my hands till I bleed on my paperwork and get embarrassed. & I keep keep picking at it biting and clipping with scissors even.
My stomach lumps and bulges like a gut he calls my sexy. wants it let out of the shorts he says I wear too high on the waist he says "let out the sexy" and pulls them down.
& the toilet paper clung & clumped & shredded on my feet & in my shoes & made a mess but did seem to help somewhat.
This slime in here could cradle you & repel you & consume you. you could hide in the fat of my folds _ in the folds of my clothes _ crumple up with the disintegrating toilet paper in my shoes.

Do I remind you of my mother?

2010-08-05T22:13:00.003-05:00

Will you then buy a dog for me? i'll invite your whole family to get in the stew with mine but you don't like that you tell them not to come until next weekend.

It is my fault the potatoes weren't finished & perfect & it is my fault her father didn't love her. that could have been the moment. or at least that's how she sang it.
she is all curves in the body. these wind & twist into sharp jabbering bits when she's speaking.

her mind's a fucking canal that takes you nowhere nice.
& there are no gondolas. & there is no god. & all you do is pray or grab her hair. you have to love her you're the only one who will.

*******************************************************************

I say to you "hello dearling"
I fantasize we lay down on the bed and the scarf is tied around your eyes and you're left to guess where I'm kissing you. Is that your neck, for instance?

I am kissing the elbows you walk on. I am kissing your ribcage as it disintegrates. I made it through orientation. I love love love love love

***********************************************************************
Quarters

Dies inside_______________a drifter
not coming on
to anyone I am sorry you thought
I'd tell you anything
true, i'm sorry I called___________my boss
___________________________________a liar and asked
___________________________________for another quarter

He will not call you back
for nine days. you will call
and be told "i was
disconcerted. i was struck
dumb and just so you know we can only
afford to pay you .25 more.
you weren't
trained in Europe__________________afterall."
and besides that a bitch.

I can't afford
throwing text towards you
any longer. or comparing
the spots there and there.

you're a child I want to allow
the controlling of me for a minute.
and you're not mine, child.
wouldn't that be wrong_____________it's wrong
no matter what I do. no matter
what i do it's wrong

& I love still. & I tear still.
& I rip myself open & split
& am trussed together
again. I showed you. But you only
know a quarter of the story.

who wants to go swimming with retro suit?! i have retro suit.

2010-07-26T22:23:00.003-05:00

you can't trust me you can't trust me you can't trust me because I will be ALL ABOUT eating you alive, and will feel bad about it half to two thirds of the way through but by then you are already HALFWAY EATEN*.

what you gonna do then?
nothing mothafucker nothing.

I won't really eat you I won't even bite you but I might be mean or try to be funny or something and then feel real bad about it like I HURT YOU
Hay-zeus-christo. Mother yes Mother mother mothery

I do want to smother you a little no
not as in suffocate but just I want to smother you
in jam? In rhubarb jam? A little whip?

Arrived: two dresses from mod cloth today
not. sure. if-i-like-themmmm
well, if they like my body and are good on me/will behave.

Still to arrive: new glasses

*you may be, possibly, mayyyybe are 2/3 of the way eaten

What's beautiful

2010-07-12T20:32:00.002-05:00

makes you a mythical creature I use too much.
The dog looks like Falkor
Is licking at blood on its leg
Is stretching.
Doing crooked face and dragging its body along
the rug with it's front paws pulling.
We cooked what looked like the hungry hungry caterpillar,
making baked kale again, or maybe some sort of grub - salted and heated and oily and wilting like the leaves. It's a forest out there. I mean it's a garden. But it's not really just the plants. Things are dirty in there really dirty. They've got life all over them and you taste it when it's entering you.

stop being boring and really be something with pink lips and cut hair and good poems really inventive and magical delicious poems and then I'll bake you all the kale I promise it'll be so perfect and crunching down on it.

Do you remember the flooding before your nap? Flooded down to the toes through the entire lower body and then later flashes.
I thought you were making the noise of a raven at me or said raven or cawed but I just breathed differently to let you know I knew you.

Whaddaya know!

2010-06-17T21:24:00.002-05:00

I'm an introvert!

It storms. This morning was a rainbow and a bug up my nose. Oh fug.
And a too short dress a bit bit
and then Mary Kay "free facial"s
not so facial, i mean, not so much
i didn't buy anything or get anything
much out of it

And then grits

And teeth.

new laptop. New conversation with my mother
who called me with my brother's phone to make me answer

better
better
better

2010-06-14T22:27:00.003-05:00

i wish someone knew and could tell me
all the answers to any questions__like why this sudden socket

or sodden. from where.
there hasn't been a lot of typing__what so
without the caboose and without Maude to make it

so so. Sew you. Sew pieces
with threading
with needling

sew lovely little birdy's bones
sew
chew.

we'll chew the lads into completion
and out of this mass. we'll roil within
and boil our skin until ready and sold

so for vending.

what was sylvia plath thinking
you could ask. you could ask all the questions
be answered. all there is

pieces of days combed into a life
this is happening__now
we are happening.

in the bedroom__behind walls
that small

space of mold on the ceiling turned floor.
the blackening and the swamp
there. where it's happening.

your wet life. your wetting. your beautiful skin cells
are shedding.

Oh wow

2010-05-06T19:36:00.003-05:00

it's been a bit since I authored that last little whatnot.
But whatever. I'm living the real life.

Your apricots are skin
-crawling. Stop motion

animation. I mean the folds.
And folding. I mean the nudity.

Never
on the couch. Never finish

on the floor.
Where we've walked and walked. You know mothers.

Teaching their children. In the supermarket.
You see them putting the objects back
in all the wrong pockets. And checking. And checking out.

2010-04-21T20:46:00.002-05:00

sometimes i think myself a self-hating woman
you know. like a self-hating mexican. my grandmother is a self-hating woman.
ugh. don't read this, myfamily. i just remember talking about it with my mom when i was a kid. and this is always the point in the thoughts where i recount my dad saying
we could ne-ver have a woman president, are you kidding~~ with the monthlies?! you can't leave them next to the nuclear button. you know, that button that you press and the whole world gets nuked

2010-04-19T22:26:00.002-05:00

can you
just give me all of the music

i've been biking a lot lately
and watching historical fiction or
action films or
fantasy

i listen to the harry potter books online on youtube
in reverse
and i swear i'd thought i'd read that sirius died but he's alive and it's not because of the backwards
at least not this backwards
=
i don't know where i'm going with the race relations

2010-04-18T13:02:00.002-05:00

that is why we are friends
and that is why it is hard for us to be friends
*******

watched "bram stoker's dracula" (92) with gary oldman, winona ryder, keanu, and antony hopkins
i no longer care if i'm spelling correctly is a lie for which i'll later pay penance.
oh, also, the man from the princess bride and the first saw movie.

so it was very obvious in its iterations and its green fog, and yes one adaptation among soooo many, but it was nice (after all the true blooding and twilighting etc) to see some version where the vamp must still be vanquished. is humanized but monster, truly. which was lost in the translation to tv of true blood particularly. love is a feeling it can get you past blood and monstrosity but love cannot overcome death.

oh the long, luxurious hair of dracul --!

I was off

2010-04-17T09:57:00.003-05:00

had dreams we had to move to portland before we could move to kansas city. kristin says if she got preg she'd deal with it meaning, she'd carry. give birth and support resulting baby. i'd "take care of it."
what would you do?
what would you do?
get up on my feet and stop making

I remember

2010-04-13T23:04:00.002-05:00

lyin' in the wet grass...is what your latest title made me think of.
I was off
right now H arry Potter is silently screaming nooooooooooo

Also, Oh man Ralph Fiennes
I had no idea.

So Eric

2010-04-10T12:51:00.003-05:00

finally presented me with cuttlefish sculpture for necklace or brooch, last night, and i glued eyes on today (hip-hoppedy-happy belated anniversary!!) right? right. f*cking absatively!

til i carried it to payless and then super saver and then hobby lobby
where we picked out some brooch pins and hair combs and i then proceeded to drop/break off it's cuttle-face.
f*ck.
me!
i ruined christmas.

oh

2010-04-03T09:41:00.001-05:00

mandala

Oh you beautiful!

2010-04-03T09:36:00.003-05:00

All you little beautifuls! And your beautiful beautiful
hair lengths!
If only you could see the image of the chou farci in this book here now. If only I had the goose fat ready to make the stewed broad beans. If only. Last night I was in there and loving every beautiful. Is that what wine does? But the whole day was a beautiful. Maybe I blame* Anne Carson. Or the fact of the air, warm, close to my skin and caressing. Isn't the air just a beautiful beautiful?

*thank

Talents

2010-03-31T21:54:00.002-05:00

spending an inordinate amount of time googling cures to my faults. Or sources. Taking stabs at any number of life's many mysteries.
"social anxiety disorder"
"what's the difference between social anxiety and shyness"
"does raw onion make you thirsty"
on the last, directed to a forum, where someone said their grandad had taught them that a woman's pussy tastes like onion and also how to kill a man in one motion. (or something, some such similarity)
Today I spoke with the Mayor of Humboldt.

I'm just not

2010-03-28T11:38:00.001-05:00

that kind of girl.

2010-03-22T22:43:00.001-05:00

***boilerboilerboilerboilerboiler****

obviously

2010-03-21T11:43:00.002-05:00

my blog is amunderful.

[graphic, sexual, and hermaphroditic. dream.
i'll let you make up your own little fictions.]

i told carlin that i'd heard the boiler room was not that great
but then i looked it up and i'm not entirely sure i was referencing the same place

i mean, it looks good

i just can't remember
w/e it was my mom relayed a lackluster experience she and my dad'd had
those foodies. those

foodies

2010-03-18T17:34:00.001-05:00

you might be accursed and afflicted with/by candida
if you crave all sorts of sugary bready
and comforting things like wine
and a nice aged cheese and any fruit or cake.

2010-03-16T22:05:00.005-05:00

on the other hand

I'm only joking

2010-03-16T19:55:00.001-05:00

when I make little jokes to you
on here

You are dead.

2010-03-16T19:47:00.002-05:00

I mean, you died.
You're particles.
And finally.
He is

afterall

the only rabbit I'd thought to follow.

Under bushes through
bramble

Whatever bramble is

leads
to the trenches.

She's creaking
without your use. Leaking
from the elbows. Needs
a good greasing. To get up

to look through the window.
You are still and always

in a small pouch. Enclosed
in plastic, then velvet.
Couched in the console.

(what i probably would write now if asked instead of what i wrote then, presented, me in black yoga pants and an orange wrap top. to a funeral?)

funereal.

Tonight's Movie

2010-03-11T22:46:00.004-06:00

Splendor in the Grass. Recommended because I "really liked" (via Netflix) The Lover. Different movies. I love the retro. Early 90's depicting colonial Indochina/60's-ish depiction of the Great Depression Era.
Ended up liking Splendor MORE than The Lover because it does twist and build to a final thesis point that isn't too dumb and/or predictable and...I can't compare the emotional state at the end of each female lead cause I'll RUIN it(!)
And they're both doing things (the films). There are questionable aspects re: feminism and whatnot
which I won't get into right now because not all of us have taken women's studies courses and I can't dumb down my analysis for you, Kyle.
"you're a nice girl"

"I'm NOT a nice girl! I'm not! I don't have any pride!"

but everyone's so beautiful and put together with the wasp waists and also, in Splendor, there is less child/man type sexy love and less of an issue of race. Sigh. Those poor whites.
There is no sexy love. God. Yes. BUt
watch these two movies two nights in a row and see how you are also affected.

Wrote-a-poem

2010-03-07T11:14:00.003-06:00

about goats.

I'm trying on working again and seeing what's up world what's up with this writing and such

Um, omg my cupcakes are delicious. And will be to/for anyone in attendance at Oscar Party CMDorr 010!!!

I've watched all the vids now, I think, excluding Avatar and Up.
F*ck yeah excluding Avatar. But maybe try to watch it for free on the internets stripped of any 3D charm or big time visual awesomeness ?

annie get yer goat

2010-03-02T22:06:00.001-06:00

!!!

Let's get sexist!

2010-03-01T22:02:00.004-06:00

quick, name something that we can get sexist about.

i want to go to portland. i want to leave now. this is me catching up to amandar's already development pre-senior year of college. this is me figuring out how to write novels (not)maybe

but i am wanting portland, and badly. what's the difference when i'm not with a plan for my life anyway and the family shit is so utterly f*cked and sore? continually. plus. i want 3 buck chuck and f*cking cheap cranberry crusted goat cheese logs.

i have spoken on here about goats before and you all should know what portland means. goats. cheese. ocean. not f*cking nebraska. let's go.

there is this plan

2010-03-01T21:12:00.002-06:00

where, in between the not leaving the house but for chancedly and randomish,
and between workings, i work on writing, create this great piece of money-making scheme
fully researched

working title -- a zombie love story

did i meantion (i mean
mean to mention. will mention.) that i love creating the facebook event and then watching, refreshing, for people to make their respondings?

i make up words like an anyone, motherfucks. and curse with the love of them. that's a pixie way of putting it. like a cut. not the hair, but it's hard to grow out bangs when they keep as un-evening selves.
- needing side trims - changing lengths what with the parting on which side.

i forgot how distracting it gets.
the accoutrements of performing woman.
but also something easyish
just to rub a little cream in the strands and twirl it and pat it a bit and then mostly just leave it to hang from my head. twirling into tiny buns at back or taking the bangs up away from the face in my couch time. at the desk time.

2010-02-27T13:33:00.001-06:00

ways to make pretend

Rachael is listening

2010-02-23T19:46:00.007-06:00

to New Moon audio book via YouTube. part 96. That Bella Swan sure is one ugly idiot. At least that's what she keeps telling me.
And she can't catch on to ANYthing -!
Leach-lover-vampire-wannabe! What a damn scuz. Just look at this perty ol scuzzz----

"when i told you i didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy..." "...his face paler than it's usual pale..."

"If i was going to rip myself up further, i might as well get as much in trade as possible. So i kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me...'by the way, he said in a casual tone, 'I'm not leaving you'"

wowwwww just
wowwwww. blackest blasphemy. yes. this is all very optimal.

E is the best

2010-02-22T22:47:00.001-06:00

in the universe at,
you know,
alla everythin'.

Y b4 E

2010-02-04T22:31:00.004-06:00

have a sense of humor maybe or parties.
Whichever one got me to the breaded fried seitan
and waffles, I'm glad.
Whichever fauxsplosion and friends another
year older.
Another No No
No wiser. Still hardly am able
to answer a phone. Or perform the doing of things pronounced.

You're breading is wetting and sticking
in the maple syrup.
Your waffle is vegan
with an essence of almond vanilla. You're lifting your knees
to a ceiling, and still

It's getting ridiculous

2010-01-26T21:15:00.002-06:00

I'm going to have to go after that carton of ice cream. Bus man: "this is the railroad stop" pause. "and this
is the street stop"
i know i know i know once you told me stop don't get out
okay
okay
okay fine fine

it's all so fine it's a great
job and i do all the tasks and everyone loves me.
right.

right.

rite lite tite nite
stormy story that's a great
story i'm
so mean to you oh -
- ho! la funny. la
bo peep. la answer. l'

will not cure hiccups:

2010-01-19T18:33:00.001-06:00

1. seeing e naked
2. drinking water upside-down, followed by shot of vodka, followed by lick pomegranate molasses off of finger.

just because

2010-01-18T22:25:00.003-06:00

the cute bank teller laughs and says "awww, you're so funny!"
does NOT mean she's flirting with you.

or...wants to "do" you...graaaaaaah.

no matter how many dum dums end up in your little black bank tube.

graaaaaaah means a slap.

Thumbs up

2010-01-18T12:59:00.000-06:00

Ralph Nader!

So this guy

2010-01-13T08:25:00.002-06:00

asks me do I have a cell phone
yeah
and can I call him to make sure his phone's working
okay, 402?
and then I'm like oh man wait this is a little weird but I'm already calling him and now he has my number.

Experiment

2010-01-10T10:32:00.004-06:00

Experiment.

A. You'll rot your teeth out

B. You'll shoot your teeth out

C. Your teeth will shoot out through your eyes, like stars, when the zombie apocalypse happens.

D. It's okay to scream without eyelids.

Q: Who said scream?
A: Scream was released in 1996 by a misanthropic company now known as The-Jews-Couldn't-Stop-It. There weren't any zombies in that country.

E. Jude Law was going to produce a sequel once everyone was dead but the zombies. He did all his own stunts including the one where he couldn't come unless the girl came but had no idea how to manufacture.

F. Couldn't tell at all.

G. If it happened it wouldn't have mattered because Jude Law's cock was already being sandblasted clean of Jewess-Zombie guts.

H. He liked to think of it as shaped like any dry socket or any tree stump's tiny hole.

I. He liked pretending he could dissolve to fit into any place without so much as an episode.

I AM A TOOL

2010-01-07T21:56:00.002-06:00

and also so white. And a tool. All day:

bus worrrrrrrrrrrrrk bus hooome.

(adding sodium to the low sodium vegetable juice shooting it
making bechamel for dinner turning it into mornay)

Siren outside. Did anyone else see these today ? Is anyone going to be downtown tomorrow?
I don't know if I can make it. It's cold. And I'm also a douche. Sry Kyle.

It's a hard

2010-01-01T10:01:00.001-06:00

year to be new

_*edit*_____________________________________________
But not really
in a negative sense.

Because it always is sometimes hard to be a person and to get it right and you just have to tell yourself you learned things. You've been rescued. No one had ordered a burger and it wasn't anything you or the waitress did, sir; I'm sorry, we have a ride. It's got to be tough to be working on New Years or any holiday, really. It's snowing again. I could not survive in the wilderness. I think I would cry myself into an ice tower of helplessness. Oh man.

But I ate half of half of a duck last night and am finally sewing this obese goodwill dress into a normal dress after buying it last summer. last YEAR!

Need to have a better blahg

2009-12-26T09:15:00.003-06:00

starting
\now.
B*tch B*tch B*tch I can think of at least three options
for those three. But we've been playing the scrabble card game
and I saw what becomes of FUCK so I know and I knew
words shift /an asterisk doesn't make an absence of possibility
/nothing can do THAT. and

I hope we have that party tonight
/can get home /don't get attacked by terrorists along the way
/maybe

this snow is an anthrax attack not snow.
no.

Schuringa said he saw that Abdulmutallab had his pants open and he was holding a burning object between his legs.

"I pulled the object from him and tried to extinguish the fire with my hands and threw it away," Schuringa said.

He said he managed to pull an object tucked between Abdulmutallab's legs.

This is how I'll remember this xmas
snowed in at my parents' and a terrorist attack
(attempted)

Alright, it's settled.

2009-12-20T21:09:00.001-06:00

Peanut Butter Fudge
Christmas Mice
Gingerbread Men
Peppermint Candy Shortbread
Lemon-Almond Biscotti
Glazed Anise Cookies

So far

2009-12-20T15:55:00.003-06:00

I have made peanut butter fudge.
Coming:
Peppermint Candy Shortbread
Glazed Anise Cookies
Christmas Mice (?)
Some sort of cookie cutter cookie (?) Maybe gingerbread men (?)

2009-12-18T08:52:00.002-06:00

I wonder how much, if any, blood dribbled down to my stomach and is irritating, there.

Okay, disregard

2009-12-17T12:46:00.001-06:00

the everythings
and all

The bigger-than theory

2009-12-17T12:42:00.002-06:00

Um, disregard that last language play-thing.
Do not regard it even to glance.

Move in a direction
towards teaching me new words.

I love that we are, none of us,
separate persay; but all different parts of an object.

Not an object no. All apart in the stew of the parts of the universe.

Can't ever touch a thing
even when inside of it.

But still all untouching parts of the sameness.

2009-12-17T10:33:00.004-06:00

It's not something you get away from. All
in life is an argument. Is a balance
Why
did you say

I have the face of an angel. And then . Don't you realize
You didn't

see it because you say it. Anything she said
you said. Anything she says
I can't embrace.

Spill it or pill it away.
Or can't. Lifted
the rug and brushed the noodles into the trash.

Lifted the rest from the sink
and rinsed.

Skin sinks

or stinks. You have to shower.
Or else no one will want to be your friend.

Make a sink out of skin to shower in? Just because
the letters are the same and it's human. No.
You can't know what is human.

Questions one could ask oneself:

2009-12-07T17:30:00.003-06:00

Life is a salad. I don't remember what we called
the table. When does a hatred of rainbows become
pathological?

Ms. Kasper became some married woman I had wanted to be a Barbie/Ken
match-up with that terrible Mr. Vermass. I used to draw. All the kid's
mom's had the hots for him. He hula hooped. Got a red face
from my marker. Maybe
it misremembers me.

Stuck.

2009-12-03T09:17:00.003-06:00

Stuck a stuck pig don't
mince words. Don't.

What French will answer.
Jardin. Some
cheese

you're missing from. Vous
manque.
The bottom's where

you go when the attic floor
comes un-stuck
Board

by board. What happens
when you use paper.

Nails pop out.

I was wrong

2009-11-30T11:33:00.003-06:00

to wonder what sort of a person I am
to make my mom not like me. It's a trick.
I didn't have to skip writers group/sequester myself
afterall.

controllingparents.com and other books

I've got

2009-11-28T19:56:00.003-06:00

a little sadness or something
disappointment frust
ration
because my mom doesn't like me (?)
sometimes or says she doesn't know me
or like me
and that I should have a nice life.

What's up? When your own mom says that? When your umbilical cord was so purple and noodle-y and you came out looking like a perfect zombie baby. When you're just trying to live and be happy and are (besides that)?

Is not going to blame oneself on other people

2009-11-28T10:57:00.001-06:00

Is not about to cry
Wonders how far around a bandana goes
Laughs at it, a lot, and even sleeps a little

How the hugeness of the capitol hits you sometimes

2009-11-17T11:11:00.005-06:00

Remembered about us calling it the Penis of the Prairie, you know, like you do. And how we laughed saying it was spurting blood and sometimes just all-over engorged and glowing red; you know, like it does. And I laughed at myself, remembering, and how I used to think it was so funny or maybe clever or edgy. To say all that. And then realizing

I still kind of think it's funny...

Suddenly, alongside - Do you remember that one walk we went on? And bought a loaf of the day old Jimmy John's bread? Tried to get in the church? Heard the gays went to the capitol at night and so to stay away? ?
****what*****
***what****
*******what*****
what were we doing?

To Nebraskans and travelers alike, the Capitol is often nicknamed to reference frequent interpretations of the tower posing as a phallic symbol. Historically, however, this title of a phallic symbol attached to a Plains object is more appropriately associated with Chimney Rock in the Nebraska Panhandle.
sincerely,
wikipedia

zombies and witches and godly - o my!

2009-11-13T08:55:00.007-06:00

When the glass fogs. When the spider's
blood. When the skin
feathers. And metallic
sing of the clutch-in-
shift-out.

Remember when
my arms began to look this way.
And that fall. That godawful
figure. Appearing while slipping
to sleep.

While singing. When the cold
comes. While the capsule creates
its calming effect.

Any plain Any dark
Moving figure.

Couldn't fear
But knew What might to come.

Over grass and rocks and dry and deep.

What fixes. What
combusts.

Can you flush it? Make it
some voided flesh thing?

When your
comfort

can't be manufactured.

The sun (for J. R. F.)

2009-11-09T06:36:00.001-06:00

is rising.
Here come the garbage men.

After experiencing the outside world

2009-11-05T15:31:00.002-06:00

I don't want to be in this office anymore !
Good thing I waited till 3 to take my lunch break.

sometimes

2009-11-05T11:31:00.002-06:00

I feel like Dexter in the sense of wanting to strap
people to a table and ask them some questions
about how they experience interpersonal reactions.
In the workplace, particularly.
And if they're actually interested in what anyone in particular says.
Most conversations are so
cautious. Dull. Safely banal. And even if not, still
A dance. A playing of roles.

Teach me how to play (I won't kill you after!)

Bought

2009-11-03T07:36:00.002-06:00

new running shoes and a candle last night
at Kohl's. Watched Mad Men and then got on
all sleepy To dream about zombies Again?

Because of where our fascination with zombies comes from.
And also because of the maze of cubicles and what if they all
were infected with something I couldn't escape.

Isn't everyone always fighting
some sort of infection? Almost.
Some sort of inappropriate reaction.

It's not really the fact that we're all infecting each other
all the time it's just the fact that any interaction can end
in such embarrassment for me that lasts and lasts and lasts

Am I really that inept or just too harsh a judge? I feel inappropriate for all situations, most of the time. There are some glowing moments.

going

2009-11-02T07:29:00.002-06:00

to work to
day.

I've been trying

2009-11-01T16:00:00.003-06:00

to write down some words for the group
but it's all coming out like each poem
must solve every thing ever troubling
anyone

Huge bowl of punch

2009-10-31T20:23:00.000-05:00

from which I've begun drinking. I'm EATING ALL THE SWAMP DIP WHERE ARE YOU MY SWAMPIES???!!
This is why I shouldn't drink before anyone comes to the party.
Also
receiving trick or treaters (for the first time) was weird.
I kept wanting to say trick or treat ! But that's their line !

Where does one get

2009-10-31T00:34:00.001-05:00

DOLL parts ??

It was a screw-top-cap wine

2009-10-30T07:36:00.000-05:00

but the man still showed us the label and poured a tiny taste for Eric so he could see if it was to his liking. Ah ha sexism. I was sort of glad it wasn't me, actually. Their wine glasses are huge. And we ate tentacles and tiny fried octopus(es) and the waitress asked us if we were doing something special that night because we looked so nice. Nope. This...is it. Now bring me my Mahi Mahi and bring the gentleman his Chicken. We'll take the creme brulee for dessert, s'il vous plait.

Tonight

2009-10-29T07:29:00.002-05:00

we're gonna go to "date night" at JTK. Which is something to look forward to. I plan attempting to hide in my cubicle all day, though I've checked my pants for holes or tears pretty thoroughly. I was movin' around a lot yesterday, though. Tryin' to figure out the speaker situation so I could be dialing in to the teleconference webinar...takin' a walk...goin' to the basement bathroom for more exercise and time spent...walking to the other building's level three to be helpful in packing up pamphlets.
Well. I've got a task this morning that will keep me in my own cubicle (whether the seventh day adventist woman I stole it from likes it or not)!
She took my stapler yesterday :O

Maaannnn

2009-10-28T20:12:00.001-05:00

the new job is turning out to be any old job. Plus ripped seams and a pastor who notices. Back into the role of fool!

Cloudy

2009-10-25T16:37:00.002-05:00

I remember when I thought I could finish and be things.
Lately I'm just tired all the time. The magic is gone from the words.
I grow petty and pettier, breaking the things I love
because they can't be what my whims desire
in moment by moment flashes. And I try things,
and fail to be anything more or less than a normal human being.
Getting tired. Helping out sometimes. Hurting.

Greasing

2009-10-25T09:47:00.004-05:00

Feels too much
in the spotlight.
And oil.

Long nails break
a bit
with flesh when

a water bottle's opened.

Claw nail
scratches particles
from the face. Long face.

Powdered to
a buff beige
matte.

Open each casing
and colors to match.

I feel like

2009-10-24T21:36:00.002-05:00

the percentage of responses I get to my postings is directly proportional to the percentage of the time I am interesting (in real life).

The new job is going well; I have my own cubicle, email address, and phone.

Also

2009-10-18T09:28:00.001-05:00

most of my issues are ridiculous.
Thank you.