Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No no no no no no no

no no I can't
take it can't take
it can't take it no

and I don't know what's going to happen
and what I simply think is going to happen
(because of the wine)

I need to get through something here
I'm in a desperation
need
It's not the cold air yet
It's not the plastic way of who
again. Maybe just the absence
of smoke

transportation...? Shit.

Not

about me

Are you heavy or healthy?

Because those are the only two alternatives (sarcastically).
I can't work Saturday, okay? I can't deal with you being mad at me
until I did and it's taken care of.

On a side note, I can't see past your constant frowning and the lines lines lines lines.
I was looking at pictures last night and I saw this album called "cutter" where I'd taken pictures of that and it was weird because I never did much damage till that one time I was drunk and God I hate the Emergency Room. I hate the emergency room and how do we never realize how we can affect other people? It's a tight fit being in the world all together. It's a strange thing, all the changing and how I'm pulling away and still stuck and I want to go back there sometimes. I've got gum on my arms. I can't return. Need to self-direct or something.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008

You are dangerous to your health: the ideology and politics of victim blaming

Mainly

don't want
to feel something
and the door

slams
shut from
wind.

This is real this is
not some
comparative

purpose. This
door.

What could
his chest
hair do---annoyance
with every

thing
and the other

one riding his
bike, turning
round

in the cross section
street. Hello
with face. Hello
to the pavement

you're paving.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Blogging to get rid of past blogs

when you put
something else
in your mouth to make
the taste
of something else
dissipate/pear.

Cafe au lait
cafe au lait
cafe au lait.

Where is
my syllabus
when I am needing
her
the most?

That show the pit of dancing crushing sweating
was a really good time. UuVvWwZ. Mad
fucked-up and texting fuck
too much
always in that
state of fumbled
fingers

Shit I have a lot to do. Write these papers for me.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

From oral to aural

I get so frustrated with all the people who think it's their right to be an asshole. There are so many people who don't get that right, and then you just go around complaining and talking out of your asses. This is an anally fixated post. This is how we allege humanity. I don't make sense
like you do

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Oh Jesus

I didn't feel like this was my internet.
I am drinking. Drunk. Sarah I saw you.
At Bourdain. God Bless America
I haaaaaaaaaaave toooooo peeeeeeeeeeee (this is an excerpt from Colbert report)

MOTHERFUCKING PERIOD I DON'T WANT TO WORK TOMORROW OR MEET ANYONE.

I love you

and I don't know what love is
or what anything is, really. Except for how onions taste when you've brushed.
How your mouth tasted right after that bread and the gnocchi. The sorts of alcohol
I like. You you you and your face hairs.
Other you and your stories.
Other other you and the berry beers.
All of this group in my head right now.

There's so much more panhandling downtown lately.
Everything I try to make beautiful. Or speak of only the broadest conclusions and smallest overlookings.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tuesday August 17th 2004

So Kevin hasn't called. I left one message last mon. saying "hey it's Rachael gimme a call." then another the next day saying "hey it's rachael gimme a call if you still wanna do lunch" then last wed I called at a quarter to 7 and he answered and said "hey I'm at work" so I said "oh, bye" and hung up. Then I left a message the next day (I think) that said something like "hey it's rachael I know I've been calling like everyday and I'm sorry but I wanna talk to u and I need to ask your advice on something and I miss you and I'm just really confused I'm always confused bye." Yeah. no call. Bastard. I started guitar lessons sunday tho (as he suggested, at Russo's) so now I really want to tell him about that.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Just procured my ticket

to The Mountain Goats

Kyle

A platitude is a trite, meaningless, biased or prosaic statement that is presented as if it were significant and original. The word derives from plat, the French word for "flat". Whether any given statement is considered to have meaning or not is highly subjective, so platitude is often — but not always — used as a pejorative term to describe seemingly profound statements that a certain person views as unoriginal or shallow.

The statements most commonly described as "platitudes" are short proverbs and aphorisms which are intended to motivate or encourage another person, but which are in reality overly-simplistic or cliché; for example, "You will succeed if you try hard enough", a statement which ignores the simple fact that it is entirely possible to fail in spite of one's best efforts. Some people dismiss such statements entirely, arguing that since the statement does not properly represent reality, any motivation or other emotion felt as a result of it must also be illusory; others argue that the omitted facts of reality are ones that are not useful to consider—knowing that you may fail for reasons beyond your control does not make it less likely—so such statements may be valuable as a rhetorical tool, even if not technically correct.

Another common platitude is the conversational lubricant "How are you?", usually a rhetorical question, and its attendant responses, such as "I'm fine; how are you?" This exchange, occurring most often between strangers or in professional settings, is so ubiquitous in English-speaking social discourse that it has almost completely discarded its literal meaning or intention.

Republicans want teens to get pregnant - especially by men using Viagra.

"In Senate votes, McCain has opposed some proposals to pay for teen-pregnancy prevention programs. In 2006, McCain joined fellow Republicans in voting against a Senate Democratic proposal to send $100 million to communities for teen-pregnancy prevention programs that would have included sex education about contraceptives.

In 2005, McCain opposed a Senate Democratic proposal that would have spent tens of millions of dollars to pay for pregnancy prevention programs other than abstinence-only education, including education on emergency contraception such as the morning-after pill. The bill also would have required insurance companies that cover Viagra to also pay for prescription contraception."

Oh high school diary

oooooh diary, sooooo much I have to tell ya! I have 2 bikinis that I feel good wearing in public. I've called AJ a couple x and tried to set something' up w/him (socialness>wking on it:) Also, sooo over M. Turns out L had a similar experience w/her 1st real BF so I think it's common. Wking @ the office (10 bucks an hour).
Talked to A (lawn boy) 2day @our house :) DQ guy talked to me and L. Saw G's older bro shirtless and talked to him and N. Went to 311 concert. Know what pot smells like. Got highlights. Like my hair curly. Better buds with L and G esp. Getting over K.
And...theres' a new main man in my life:)
K, here's the story: Pretty sure M had a friend harassing me online (worldman117) So @ L's one nite I had her try to talk to the kid. He got rude/'warned' her so she sicked some Mt. M. boys on him.
They got him to leave me the fuck alone, so I got their SN's and we all started talking. I really had a connection w/T and we decided to meet up @ 311. Turns out I gave him the wrong cell #! So I went to Genny's that nite and IM'd him and we sorted the mess out and decided to meet @ Borders.
Had a wonderful time/great connection so I brought him home to meet Mom and she luvs him <3 :) So we've chatted since then.
Sun nite, good. Mon nite, weird and depressing. Today, good again. Set up to watch a movie @ my house, but he got in an accident!!! Dammit. Glad he's okay. IDK how to feel exactly about him - Sat nite I was thinking he was awesome, now he seems a hell of a lot more human. We'll see what happens. Hey - as long as I learn something and remain intact.

<3 Rachael

Sunday, September 14, 2008

remind me

to never deal drugs, or become involved with the mexican drug cartel.

I looooooooooooooove NY!

i wannna li li li lick you from
your head to your toes---

*crazy head shake motherfuck
fiasco*

this is really a visual experience.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

shiznit

no clean part for me this evening for
i will be barista-ing.....ing ing ing ing ing
boom.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

So I think I'm working at Bread and Cup (will be soon; if the schedule works out). They love Kenny there.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I feel like college has sort of been this whole process of just getting me sick enough to throw up all over anything. I wonder when this will happen. I feel like my life will sort of be a failure if it doesn't. Like I'll be stuck somewhere. Cat claws on the motherfucking floor.

Oh, projectile vomit.

That's really all there is to say, isn't there?

Ps btw

hey look

Retreat retreat!

retreat.


Hey, but it's okay, because Mad Men is on tonight.
Am I really back to counting my blessings?
Preconceived-notions-speech. These "high fructose corn
syrup is okay" ads concern and disgust me. It's like
those ads with the doctors smoking cigarettes. See?
They're okay. It's okay. We're all gonna be o-kay.

Except what if we're not?

Friday, September 5, 2008

My party personality

just became my, you know, permanent personality

Just wanted a bagel

so I went to the academic grind and reached in to grab myself one, indecision, reached further towards the back, awkwardly grabbing one bagel while touching others with my sleeve. Success. And as I'm pulling the bagel out the girl at the register tells me I can open the next drawer up for easier access.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I think I am going to freak out.

Oh wait, I already have. I'm having my quarter life crisis. Guess that means I'll only make it to 84. I hate the health center/my insurance company. They're both conspiring to cost me lots of money. I was only 15 minutes late this morning and the woman tried to say it was 35 and "no such luck, you'll be charged for this and will have to make another appointment." Whatever. It's not like I actually have anyone to blame but myself. Which is also why I have to pay for those x-rays. Because I'm not a good daughter. And I flake out on people. So I can't ask for assistance. And I skipped class yesterday just because I didn't like how I felt at the time. I wish crying in the fetal position actually made me feel better instead of simply making my nose run.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Ah republicans.

how does one deal with the disappointment of a parent
or of anyone? when you feel this intensely as a failing of the capacity
to be something to someone else? i fail like this on occasion.
there's only so much of me.

We make cakes

and sometimes cut into them

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I think

it's the whole "tired/sick" thing. Plus school and work and then the keeping piling on of people.
I can't think about it. I just need to do things. I am not yet a failure. Sushi. Relax.